Her Silent Killer

Chapter 5

Me: "Mama how do you guys know Mr. Silent?"
Mother: "Mr. Silent? Who's that?"
Me: "I mean that man I just came with." We were inside the house now. My heart still felt constricted from Mr. Silent leaving. Was he really going to come back?
Mother: "Oh...well..." She looked at my father... "Zolani you tell her." My father cleared his throat.
Father: "He was the one who...who rescued you back...back then." What? I staggered back on my feet.
Me: "W-what?" My voice came out as a shocked whisper.
Mother: "Don't you remember him? Even at the hospital when they were busy examining you, he was there with you." What?
Me: "W-what? H-he w-was t-there?"
Father: "Yes. When we had tried to take you from him, you even screamed and clung onto him. So he had to stay in that room with you until they were finished with the examination." What? What was I hearing right now people? I tried to search my memory from back then but I came out blank. Why didn't I remember him? I remembered being examined but I don't remember him. At all. Oh my God!
Me: "H-h-he's the one t-that rescued me?"
Mother: "Yes. We remember him very well. I mean, he has an unforgettable face. He still has the same scars he had back then."
Me: "W-what's his name?" My mother shrugged.
Mother: "We don't know his name." What?
Me: "How can you not know the name of the person who rescued your daughter Mama?" She sighed.
Mother: "You think we didn't try to find out? After that day, he disappeared and we even asked the police officers about him but we were told to forget all about him because he's also dangerous and not a good man."
Father: "Dangerous, yes, but I don't think he would've rescued you if he wasn't a good man." My mother nodded.
Mother: "So how did you end up being involved with him?" I was still trying to process everything that they just told me so I didn't answer her. Mr. Silent was the one who had rescued me back then. He was the one that got me out of that nightmare of a place. He had saved me. And once again he had saved me from those men, even though the damage had been done, but nonetheless he had saved me from an extremely dire situation. You guys don't know, maybe an even worse thing could've been done to me by those men. But Mr. Silent had been there to stop all of it like he had done all those years ago. Oh my gosh! The magnitude of it all made me shake and breathe in high and escalated short breaths... "Khazi what's wrong?" She was brushing my back... "Khazi? Khazi? Oh my poor child Lord! Yhini." She pulled me into her arms and rocked me. She thought I was having a breakdown but I was not. Now it kind of explains why I felt so connected to him. Why I felt so strongly about him. My subconscious had known. Had known who he was to me..."everything will be fine my child. I'm here for you as your Mother and I'm not going anywhere. Nothing like this will ever happen to you again." Oh my gosh! I wanted to see him so so badly. But I couldn't because he was gone. But he was going to come back. Was he? He said he was. He had to. Knowing what I knew now, he had to come back. I would accept nothing else. I mean, he was my life line after all. Without him, I wouldn't survive this. My mother kept on rocking me in her arms while I settled down my heart.
Father: "You're going to move back home." He said after a while.
Me: "Tata-."
Mother: "You'll move back home. End of discussion. You need us." She told me.
Me: "Mama-."
Mother: "Your Dad will take you to go pack all your stuff from that apartment." I sighed. I guess I had no choice to the matter... "and we have already called Anga-."
Me: "Why would you do that?!" I shouted.
Mother: "And then, why you're shouting? We're your elders." She reprimanded.
Me: "But why would you call him Mama?"
Mother: "Tshini uAnga is a police officer so we want you to tell him about those monsters so that he can find them and arrest them. For what they did to you we can never let them go scott free. Never!" Anga was like my older brother. He was the son of my father's best friend. He always looked after me. Sometimes he could be overbearing but his heart was in a good place. Before I had met Mr. Silence I kind of had a little crush on him and had thought he was the most handsome man in this world. But not anymore. He had nothing on Mr. Silent. Speaking of Mr. Silent, if he had been really the one who had rescued me that day then how old was he? If the police had considered him dangerous even back then, I'm pretty sure he was now in his mid thirties. Oh my gosh! And I was only 20 years. Actually now that I think about it, I wasn't that shocked about his age. He was really a manly man. Just by looking at him, you could see that he was indoda eqotho. Was I really planning to be with someone who was 10 years or more older than me? Look at me thinking about being in a relationship with Mr. Silence. Something I was definitely not ready for. But he did say I was his. My body got the shivers and my stomach got the butterflies just thinking about him saying "you're mine" with that voice of his. Okay, going back to the topic at hand since I was getting carried away a bit.
Me: "Mama there's no need in trying to find those men."
Mother: "And why the hell not?" I swallowed. Should I tell them that they were dead? That Mr. Silent had killed them? I shook my head. No, I couldn't. I could get him in trouble. My father though was looking at me weirdly like he already knew the whole truth.
Me: "I-I-I don't want to talk about what h-happened Mama. I-I can't." I told her in a small voice. Which was the truth. I didn't want to talk about any of what those men had done to me.
Mother: "Oh my poor baby." She said in a shaky voice... "but what to do because they can't go unpunished."
Father: "Let's give her time Bubele."
Mother: "But-."
Father: "Our daughter has been through a lot. Let's give her time." My mother sighed.
Mother: "Okay ke." She conceded... "but uAnga will still come over-."
Me: "Mama-."
Mother: "He's a friend Khazi and you need a friend right now." No I didn't. What I needed was Mr. Silent. But I said nothing because I knew my mother wasn't going to bend on this. She liked Anga. Sometimes I suspected that she wanted me and Anga to be together. She always made comments when Anga was in the room that were close to being son-inlaw'ish. And I don't want to lie, before I had once thought that maybe getting together with Anga wouldn't be so bad but now, it was a completely different story. Mr. Silent had happened. It's funny how crazy I was over a guy I didn't even know what his name was. Stupid stupid stupid! But what I felt for him was more now than before. He was my savior. How could I not remember my savior? I must've been so out of it that time. I mean, I had gone through something so traumatic. I wonder how he had found me. To be honest, I don't remember the details of my rescue. One minute I was in a dark room and the next I was being pricked and poked at the hospital. My therapist said I must've blocked out some of the memories because they were big gaps in my memories of that time, which I was kind of grateful for because it meant I didn't remember everything that was done to me by that man. But it really didn't matter because even the little I remembered still haunted me and gave me nightmares.

I was curled up in my bed when Anga arrived. He didn't even knock, as always, he just barged in and came to me straight and pulled me into his arms.
Anga: "K how are doing? Are you fine? Do you know how worried I was about you? How could you disappear like that?" He said all of that in a rush. I pushed him off me and brought my knees to my chest. I wasn't feeling myself. It's been hours since Mr. Silent had left and already my demons wanted to come back... "K? K? What's wrong? Tell me what happened-."
Me: "Just leave me alone please." I said in this small and weak voice. He sat down on the bed next to me and put his hand on my back. I backed away a bit from his touch. I don't know why but even his touch was not welcomed to me. It made my skin crawl.
Anga: "Um...at least tell me where you've been all this time K...please." I shook my head and shrunk to myself even more. He sighed... "okay K you don't have to say anything. You know that I'm here for you if you need me. Always." I didn't say anything. I knew that he was here for me. To be honest, he's been my rock in more than one occasion in the past. But I just...I don't know. I felt empty and cold inside. I was still wearing Mr. Silent's clothes even though my mother had insisted that I take them off. I couldn't. They still had his smell on them. And in a way, they gave me comfort. It was like Mr. Silent was still here with me somehow if I breathed in his smell on his clothes. I don't even know how I was going to fall asleep at night. I knew that my demons would haunt me the minute I closed my eyes. Tomorrow I had a big day ahead. My father was going to take me to my apartment to get my stuff and also my mother wanted me to go see my therapist. Wasn't looking forward to any of that. I really had no energy in me. I hated feeling like this really. That's why I drank and partied like I did so that I could forget and not feel like this. I don't know how long me and Anga stayed like that in silence but it was for a long time until my mother called us down for dinner.

When the first month passed and Mr. Silent hadn't come back to me, I still held out hope even though I was suffering and in hell. It felt like I was back to my old self but now it was even much much worse than before. I had black outs more times than usual. When the second month came and passed too, I was at my breaking point. I was literally a shell of myself. This is what I got for making a man I didn't know my life line. I was in darkness most days. The whispers in my head tortured me day in and day out. I even lost track of time. Sometimes I swear that I would remember myself being in school and then the next thing it would be the following day sitting in the living room with my parents, and I wouldn't have any recollection of what had happened or what I did or how I got there. It was crazy. My therapist even recommended that I take medication. My parents were all in for it. I just did as they told me. Now, when I remembered to take the pills, they made me feel like I was in a haze. They made my body feel heavy. Literally, I had no will or energy to do anything. The only plus side was that they quieted down the whispers in my head. It was in the middle of the third month now. I had even stopped going to school. Couldn't cope. I spent my days in my bed all curled up or sometimes I would be in the living room all curled up on the couch. I didn't even know the days anymore. My parents were really trying their best. I sometimes would catch my mother crying in the bathroom, and I would feel a little guilty but that guilt would disappear as quickly as it came to me. I also didn't want to be and feel like this but I also didn't know how to help my own self. My mother tried taking me to church with her saying that it would be good for me but nothing changed.

I woke up today, and I just felt like I've had enough. I was done with this life. I couldn't go on living like this guys. I was in misery. It was too much. I looked at the pills that were on top of my dressing table with tears running down my face. Usually my mother keeps them to herself, I guess she forgot to take them back from me last night. That worked on my favor. I needed to end all of this pain now. Mr. Silent wasn't coming back anyway. He had lied to me. That day when he had left, that was him throwing away. I know that now. I mean, I don't blame him, I was damaged goods anyway. How could I expect him to want me when I didn't even want myself. I reached out for the bottle of pills with a shaking hand and popped the lid. I poured a couple of pills on my palm and swallowed thickly releasing a shaky breath. I was going to do this. Once I swallowed the first pill I couldn't get myself to stop swallowing the other pills. I started to feel funny. Soon after that my body hit the floor. I couldn't seem to keep my eyes opened. So this is how it felt to die. It felt freeing somehow. I think I must've taken my last breath, because suddenly I was swallowed in by the darkness, and then I was out.........