✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

9. My Weakness

I overslept on Friday morning. It wasn't completely unexpected, but I should have known better. I'd finished most of a bottle of wine by myself, after opening one to share with Tess after what sounded like a very long and difficult day. She seemed to have learned a little now. She'd previously allowed herself to get a little tipsy, and I'm sure she had blamed the alcohol more than anything else when she'd woken up to a wet bed on Monday. So this time she'd only accepted a single glass, before going back to drinking water.

I had to be proud of her, knowing her limits. Still, we were able to talk easily and she'd confided some of her problems. I was still glad of that. And after we'd chatted, and she seemed a little more positive, she'd gone back to her room to finish off all of her homework. I'd offered to fix her another drink, whatever she wanted, but she said that she'd already got something sorted. A flask that had been sitting in the fridge for a couple of days, I guessed. I wasn't quite sure what was in it, but she had taken to making one at some point every day, and then taking it up to her room with her when she went to bed. She would be typing away on her computer for an hour, or maybe just a half, but that was usually the last time I saw her.

I'd figured that she could use a break after the day she'd had. Over the last few days she had been increasingly listless in the mornings, like she wasn't sleeping properly, and her troubles at school could only make that worse even if she knew there were solutions to those specific problems. That was why I'd decided she should get a good rest, even if she didn't realise it. And when she had that same flask that she would drink before bed every night, it was the perfect way to ensure that she would take her sleeping pills, and a couple of other ingredients to help her realise that even the most strong-willed babies occasionally need help from an adult.

When I woke up on Friday morning, I initially didn't remember what I'd been thinking about last night. But then I heard Tess moving about downstairs, and all the memories came flooding back. I needed to check on her, and to make sure she was okay. I got out of bed quickly and changed into a work suit. Smart-casual, something that would help me to feel in control of any situation. I contemplated rushing downstairs to take care of my baby, but I knew that might be a bad idea. Every other day this week I'd taken care to wake up before her; something which had never been particularly hard for me. If I went downstairs with uncharacteristic bed-head, she would know that something was different today. Any other day, sure. I could say that I'd got carried away and finished the bottle after she excused herself, and that I hadn't paced myself as well as usual. That was pretty much true. But at the same time, if we were both breaking our usual morning routines on the same day, she would have reason to be suspicious. And today of all days, I needed to present as a competent adult if I wanted to earn the little one's trust.

I dragged a brush through my hair and tied it back tight, ramming a couple of long pins through the bun so that the quick preparation might seem like a stylistic choice. A quick survey in the mirror showed that I looked kind of professional, like I was rushing to get ready for work, while still retaining something of a maternal vibe. I nodded, told myself that I looked fine, and then headed downstairs.

Tess was already in the kitchen, I could hear her moving around. She must have gotten herself sorted faster than usual. Her door was properly closed today, which was unusual but not exceptional. I gently pushed it open as I passed, and confirmed my suspicions. There were no sheets on her unusually-sized bed. Tess had wet the bed again, and so was rushing in an attempt to get the laundry on before I came down to check on her. I couldn't be sure, but I wondered if some random yell as she realised how little she was had somehow awoken me after sleeping through my regular alarms.

I closed the door again, and went down to the kitchen. Tess was there, as I had expected. Not in her school uniform, but a shapeless pair of grey sweatpants and what looked like a pyjama top.

"You're up early," I said with a smile, doing my best to hide how I was feeling after that bottle of wine. "Need to get to school early?"

"Uhh," she mumbled, and seemed lost for words. I could easily understand that.

"No, it's fine. I just woke up a bit earlier, wanted to get things done before I go out. I can go get dressed if you haven't done breakfast yet." She closed the front of the washing machine and turned around, to see that I was holding the big box of detergent out towards her. She took it gratefully and turned the machine on, perhaps hoping that I wouldn't have noticed the pattern of her recently-changed duvet cover behind the glass.

"Yeah, probably a good idea. They don't need me at work until nine, so there's plenty of time this morning. But I heard you moving and didn't want to be holding you up if my baby girl is in a hurry."

"I'm not a–" she started, going from zero to incandescent in a heartbeat.

"You said I can call you a baby," I reminded her. "Or am I mistaken? Did you–"

"Don't even say it!" Tess snapped. I had to restrain myself; in my world, a child who talks back to her parents like that is in need of some more discipline, but I knew this must be hard for her. She needed to get used to being a little one, and to understand that it wasn't an insult. I didn't want to push her until she was ready, but I knew that sooner or later I would run out of patience.

"Look, nothing happened! I don't know what you think, but I... I..." She tried again, desperation creeping into her voice. I knew my suspicions were correct; she'd drunk her bedtime bottle and been so sleepy that she went straight to bed. She was just my little baby, and I needed to care for her. But I also knew that she needed to ask for my help. So for now, I would have to wait.