✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

142. My Maternal Advice

I should have been working hard. There was a lot that needed doing, and I was surprised by how fast this movie was coming along. Of course, we weren't directly involved in the production side of things, and the guys from Claughton didn't even want us to know what the project was. But we'd talked to the cast and crew enough while they were in Upper Ashfields, and a lot of the cast and crew thought that we were in the loop now.

It was hard to focus on what was going on in the office when my mind was darting between Tess's ball tonight, accompanied by all the worries that she might forget she was just a child, and whatever it was that Ffrances was so eager to talk to me about. But there were two emails during the course of the day that were enough to demand my attention. One was from Kernigan; probably the last person I'd expected to hear from again. He wanted to know how the proposal went; and if we were enjoying the comic book. I started telling him about the time we'd spent reading, and somehow got carried away, mentioning all the parts where Ffrances and I gout different meanings from the details.

I'd been typing this email for half an hour when I realised that the guy already knew all this stuff; as soon as we'd finished reading the book for the first time, Ffrances had dived back into the Overnet forums to share every little bit of speculation with her friends. She was still going over it now, trying to pull out every last detail, and somehow it had caught my interest as well. But Ffrances had been posting near constantly about all her thoughts, which I was sure was enough to keep Kernigan in the loop. She must have talked about the proposal as well, from the number of times she told me that somebody with a name like Terminal or Petrolith Addict wished us congratulations.

Still, I'd started writing. And I wondered if he might get something different from hearing the same thoughts from two different points of view. Even after the last few months, I still didn't think of myself as a big fan of his comics, so my guesses about hidden meanings and little details were probably very different from all the messages he saw from people more familiar with the universe. In the end, that one email took me more than an hour to finish, and it was the longest I'd been able to focus on anything for the whole day.

The other email was a surprise as well. From Tyler Walthamstone, who I'd thought would be cautious enough to never contact me again. Was he having weird thoughts now that I knew his secret? Did he treat that as some kind of intimacy, or did he get off on being blackmailed? Ugh... I really didn't want to be part of that thought. But he was still somebody important from a work perspective, so I had to read the message.

He wanted to swap the DVDs. I did a double take at that. I actually had to read his message half a dozen times before I could understand what he was babbling about. Apparently there was something particularly bad about his performance in one scene on the illicit DVD he'd given me; and he was embarrassed to let anyone see it. So he wanted to know if he could swap that DVD for a current one, and destroy all the evidence. I replied that I'd think about it; and then of course I had to try watching the thing. I felt bad about it; I wanted to watch the movie with Ffrances and our little girl. But I had to know if whatever flaw Tyler had found was such a big deal that it would be better to have the fixed version.

Twenty minutes later, I found the scene he was talking about. I'd just skipped forward until I found him on screen. And I could see why he was so paranoid about that clip escaping into the public eye. It was a fight scene, and he'd been wearing a vest and shorts for the rehearsal. And no underwear; a fact that was very clearly visible if you paused it at the right moment. I shuddered; and saved a screenshot just in case I ever needed leverage to manipulate the guy again. Maybe he might claim it was his stunt double, just to avoid the pictures circulating so widely if it went public. But given that the stunt doubles weren't actually wearing the same outfit as the actor for this particular take, I thought that few people would believe it.

By that point, he had emailed me again. He wanted to meet tomorrow morning to swap the DVD for another one. It would be an inconvenience, but I agreed; I wanted to bleach my brain to get rid of that mental image now, and I couldn't subject Tess to the same sight; I'd have to get the updated one, which presumably had that particular scene shot with actual costumes for the characters.

After that, there was nothing else for me to think about until I got home. I made a light dinner for myself; apparently this ball Tess was going to would have an expensive buffet. And then I sent Tess's parents a message, to remind them that they should try calling if they wanted to see her in her new outfit. I added a note as well, asking them not to tell her that I'd said anything, but mentioning that I thought she had started dating and I was worried about her. I didn't want to spoil her night, but I knew that Tess had been eager to show off her dress, and I thought it was as good a time as any for them to find out what a mistake their daughter was making. If I was lucky, they might even change their minds about letting the little pervert stay in my house. I felt a little guilty about going behind her back again; but I told myself it was for her own good.

I wasn't actually that hungry yet; it would make sense to leave dinner until Ffrances got home. So I turned the oven down low, and put food in there to stay warm. I'd made a light pasta thing, so just stirring a little milk into the sauce would make sure it was still fresh when my fiancée got home. Then I went upstairs to my office. I might have found time to do a little work, or I might have paced around hoping to overhear a little of Tess's conversation from the room below. I knew that her parents had called her while I was deciding what to do with dinner, and I really wanted to know what they were saying. Would they be mad? But apparently I'd taken longer than I realised, because I was still on the stairs when I heard a door opening. Tess scurried across the landing from the bathroom to the nursery, and for a second I wondered what she was doing. Where the bathroom door stood open, I could see the fancy dress I'd bought her hanging up. But then I thought about how hard it was for her to get out of the dress, and realised she must have finished talking to her mother, and then taken the dress off again to use the bathroom. Smart girl.

I didn't want to speculate about why she had left the bathroom without putting her clothes on again. Was she changing into a different dress because of the difficulty of changing? I hovered at the top of the stairs, waiting for her to come out again so that I could see. And when she stepped out onto the landing, it made a lot more sense. She had a diaper on; one of the BKS Octopodes limited edition ones. I hesitated a second, wondering why she would have chosen that. Was it just that she was worried about not being able to take her fiendishly complicated dress off quickly enough, after all the accidents she'd had lately? I knew that she wouldn't have to worry so much about that once she finally accepted that she was destined to be a baby. Or perhaps it was just that she wanted to feel a little cute, even when dressing up like a big girl.

Either way, I was sure that it would only be a week or two before Ffrances relented and allowed me to regress Tess without having to give her the illusion of autonomy. She was still a child, and she didn't know what was best for her. And now, it wouldn't be long before I could prove that. But right now, I thought that I needed to talk to Tess. To make sure that she wouldn't get too carried away with pretending to be a big girl tonight.

"You nearly ready?" I called from around the corner, allowing her to get into the bathroom before I took another step down the stairs. That way, she might be able to imagine that I hadn't seen the diaper, and she would feel less self-conscious about it.

"I'm just getting ready," she said. "Better safe than sorry, right?" Well, that answered the most immediate question on my mind.

"The responsible decision," I said with a smile. "It's good to see that you're taking this seriously. Think you'll need it? You'll be surprised to have an accident if you think about sex on this date. And you'll surprise yourself by having an accident like a baby when you get home anyway. Do you think your young man will be here soon?"

"Couple of minutes," she called back. "Just about time for me to get this dress on again."

She didn't act offended by the triggers; she didn't seem to realise that I'd even mentioned her diaper. That was a good sign, I was sure. She would go along with whatever I suggested without question, just as soon as Ffrances gave me free rein with the triggers. Somewhere in her subconscious, even if she felt like she was supposed to try to act grown-up, Tess knew that she really wanted to be my baby forever.