✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

129. My Last Minute Jitters

I was up early on Friday morning. For a few seconds I groaned, and wondered why my circadian rhythm had chosen to wake me at this hour. But then all the realisation clicked in, and I knew exactly where the excitement was coming from. I had booked the day off work, and almost everything I'd done over the last six weeks had been building up to this moment. Today, I would see all my plans come to fruition. And once Ffrances agreed to marry me, I could shift my focus to the last few details that would hold our family together forever. To reminding Tess that her little side still needed care, and reinforcing her littlespace so that she wouldn't have to come out of it.

I rushed to get dressed, expecting that it would be quite some time before Tess was awake. Ffrances hadn't stayed here last night, so we hadn't done so much as a family, but I knew that she had been up quite late, and I'd been able to hear her talking to her friends on the phone when I called it a night. So I was surprised to come downstairs after my shower and find that she was already awake. She had a pack of diapers in her hands, the ugly medical ones. I wasn't sure if they were new ones, or some of the ones that I had previously sabotaged in the hope that she would feel less inhibited about wearing the cute ones once she found that they were more effective.

"Oh, you got new diapers?" I said, and started reminding her that I could buy more whenever she wanted, and there was really no need for her to get them herself. And that there was no shame in picking designs that she actually liked. There were nearly a hundred options on the market now, and I wanted her to know that I could get whichever ones she wanted.

But she interrupted me pretty quickly to protest that she wasn't a baby, and she felt like she had to keep on pretending to be an adult. I was always sad when I heard that, but I didn't want to make her feel bad. She was already nervous enough. Besides which, I needed to be moving on. But we talked for a few minutes. I reminded her that I was getting Ffrances the comic book today, but that I thought that while we were both so happy in the evening, it could be a good opportunity for Tess to be a baby again. I knew she must need it; she would have been having accidents every night this week, and even a couple in the day. But the most I could get out of her was a 'Maybe' when I asked if she wanted to be little tonight. I just had to hope that it would work out well.

But then she changed the subject, and she had something else to ask: "Remember what I said yesterday? About Spike coming to stay for a while? That won't stop me being little, if that's what you want."

I was sure that if I allowed that boy in the house, she would be a lot less comfortable in littlespace. Maybe that was what she needed; a chance to realise that she couldn't do it with him in the way. But I knew that it would be a lot easier if she could just tell him that it wasn't convenient to stay. So I promised that I would ask Ffrances when we met up, and I would let Tess know if it was okay. She agreed with that, and I rushed downstairs to start getting breakfast ready.

I was still thinking about it as I sorted out a quick breakfast for both of us. I wasn't sure if it would be best to text her an hour after I left the house, to tell her that Ffrances didn't think it was safe. Or if it would be better to let her build up her hopes a little longer, so that the young stalker would start to get frustrated as she put him off. If he got angry before she had an answer, that would be a good way to show her that respecting adult guidance had helped her to dodge a bullet.

"I can't drive you to school today," I said slowly. I probably could have dropped her off on the way to Greater Ashfields, but I didn't want to be waiting for her, and "Will you be okay going by yourself? I know you try to act grown-up, but it must be hard after taking care of yourself for a whole week. You're going to surprise yourself and have an accident as soon as a teacher asks where you've been. I don't want anything to happen to you."