✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

94. My Mistress's Wrath

I could tell Ffrances was getting upset when I brought up that Tess had made her mess her diaper. She'd been pretty calm when she first looked back on the day's events, maybe even a little childlike. But all I had to do was mention that, and I could tell she was ready to think about discipline.

"Did you tell her to do that?" she asked, after a few seconds to think.

"Of course not. I think she can be a good baby without involving you. She should never –"

"Gabby," she spoke sharply, and I dropped into silence as she put a finger to my forehead. "That's not what I meant. Tell me the truth. Did you try to make Tess mess?"

"Yes," I answered. "But she always had the choice. She could have chosen not to say she was that little."

"Did she accept it voluntarily? Or was there some kind of bargaining chip there?"

"I said if she accepted it, I'd use the other trigger so she could use the potty. Tell her not to have an accident."

I wondered if the next question would be about why Tess was having accidents. I'd told Ffrances that I didn't plan to do that unless she gave me some sign that she wanted it; but as far as I could tell Tess had triggered herself by accident. There was no way I could be held responsible for that.

"And you already made her crave the potty, didn't you? She accepted the suggestion without knowing what it was. So she didn't have the choice at all. You were trying to work around the restrictions on the trigger. And I am not impressed. Gabby, I told you that what happens today is Tess's choice. That was the point. And you manipulated her."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered. When she put it like that, she gave the impression that I was being cruel to the little one, and that wasn't what I had intended at all. I just wanted to push her into doing that, so she would realise that it was natural for a little. But could I have pushed too hard, resulting in Tess lashing out? "I never thought she'd do that to you. Perhaps that's my fault, but I think she still needs some kind of discipline so that–"

"No," Ffrances cut me off. This wasn't a broken girl who needed support; there was anger there now, and she was using the Mistress voice that always made me weak at the knees. "We had quite some discussion about limits before today. We agreed on what's acceptable and what isn't, didn't we? You told me your plans, and how far you expected it to go. I promised Tess that I knew what you were planning, and that you would respect her limits."

"That's still no excuse for forcing you into–"

"You promised not to try anything she's uncomfortable with. And you broke your word. She promised to abide by the limits I suggested. I said that anything you tried to make her do, whether she accepted it or not, was fair game. So no, she didn't break the rules. She stuck entirely to things that I'd told her she could. I didn't expect that last one at all, but there's a big difference between unexpected and inappropriate. It was you who crossed a line there."

"No," I said, and shook my head. "Well, maybe I went too far, but so did she. Remember, I wasn't even going to make her wet her diaper. But she did that all by herself. She said it was a mistake. She was trying to do that to you, and she said 'we' by mistake. That's already over the line. And it tells me that she really wanted it, even if she says she doesn't. Like you said, she's really interested in losing control more than babying. I wasn't sure if I should have stopped it there. But I thought that pushing it a little further might make her realise how she's making you feel."

"And how should I feel?" That was a question with barbs. She was hugging me close, still looking for comfort after her experience. But I knew there was a wrong answer to that question, and for now I couldn't be sure what it was.