✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

67. My Reassurance

This chapter is dedicated to Eladon, with thanks for all your support on Patreon. Thank you again.

"She figured out the nursery," I mumbled, when the well of conversation looked like it might run dry. That was the thing that was really worrying me. Tess was thinking too much; and she had the power to cause so many problems for me if she put together any more clues before she was too little to consider it. I needed her not to realise what had happened, but there was no chance of that happening if she was in touch with whoever had investigated my browsing habits at work.

"Not quite," Ffrances comforted me. "She knows how much adult baby diapers cost, and she knows there's no way a former homeowner would have left something so expensive behind. So she figured that the room hadn't been like that for years."

"Right on the money, then. Kids shouldn't be so analytical, she might already be thinking too much. Like she won't be able to properly let go of adult thoughts."

"Not really. She found the clues, but that makes me wonder. It sounded to me like the thing that tipped her off was the diapers. She saw them when you were regressed, said she hadn't looked before then. But she knew they were made for adult babies, and she knows how much they cost. That's what tipped her off that you weren't being entirely honest. But she can't challenge you on that without admitting that she's familiar with some of the brands and designs, which I think is why she didn't mention it right away."

"So she's into diapers. But we already knew that, right?" I felt like I had to dismiss the observation. I'd told Ffrances that Tess was making herself wet the bed because she wanted to be diapered and babied. In that case, it would be only logical that she would have checked the availability of diapers. She would have had a wish list, ones she wanted to try. It would be something she'd thought about a lot before even suggesting that I could help her, or experimenting with ways to cause wetting. I was surprised by that revelation only because I didn't think it was something Tess wanted. So I had to act like it was normal, even as my mind was racing miles a minute trying to work out how this fitted into my plans, and how I could use it to my advantage.

"Well, it's good to know she's aware of the cost," she said, slowly and thoughtfully. "But I was starting to doubt that she was interested in the baby stuff as much as you think. I know how you can be, picking on the parts you want and not really noticing what else someone says. Or completely missing the context."

"What do you mean? You know what she was doing with those–"

"She was making herself pee, yes. But by now I'm sure you're more interested in being a little than she is in being one. She–" This time the interruption wasn't from me, but her phone. I was surprised when she took the time to read the message in the middle of such a serious conversation, but she quickly explained. "That was Tess. I've set up a new messenger, the one all the kids are using. So for now it sounds different from all my other messages, and I know it's her. She says that while you agreed to her terms, she's going to try on some of the cute outfits that were in the closet when she moved in."

"See?" I beamed. "She just needed the opportunity to admit what she wants. Remind her that she needs a diaper too."

"I don't think so," she said as she typed a response, with her phone held sideways so she could type with both thumbs. "She says she's doing this to please you, and I think I believe her to some degree. She might enjoy the experience, but because of years of bullying it's something that takes a lot out of her. It's hard work for her to be the little you want, so she needs to know that her own desires are being met."

"It's obvious that's just an excuse. You need to–"

"You're really good at seeing what you want to see. I think she means it. At least in that case. She seems to... she's drawing a thick line between having accidents, and being treated like a baby. It's possible that regression isn't actually her interest. There are people who get pleasure from peeing, in much the same way ultraviolence masochists might love the feeling of a sucker punch. I don't get it, but it's very much a thing. Perhaps that's what Tess is feeling, and she's found that regression communities online are the only place she can express this desire without being called a freak. So ageplay doesn't actually interest her, and it's linked to memories of bullying, but it's something she's willing to go along with if it helps her get what she wants."

"She said that?" This time, there was no need to disguise my confusion. I just couldn't understand that at all.

"Not in as many words. But she said there's a difference between feeling like a child and losing control. She wants to keep those as separate suggestions. And you need to understand that if you want her as a little. I think the fun she's had in that role is encouraging her to try it more, but right now it's something she is doing for your benefit. Before she fully accepts it, you'll need to make sure she enjoys it. And if she does it when she wants to make you happy, give her all the reason in the world to please you."

"Okay, I think I understand that. But I got so many questions now. Starting with what she's saying now," I glanced back at Ffrances's phone, which had made that same sound again.

"She says she's not that little. Not going all the way with the ageplay thing, maybe she's upset that you spent so long arguing against her caution. I think you'll have to show her that you really respect her judgement before she'll consider wearing them around you. It's like the next step, isn't it? But she does want to be triggered tonight."

"I guess your assessment is spot on again," I said with a sigh. "You've got some kind of talent for picking out exactly what someone wants; a bit more practice and you'll get better than me at spotting the subs and doms we meet."

"Maybe," she smiled. "But... oh yes, I was going to tell you. She spotted that the nursery was weird. You told her it was left over from the previous owner because they had kids, and she didn't quite believe it. You were hoping it would be a good excuse, and she'd be less embarrassed if it wasn't her choice. Then she realised everything's in adult sizes, and she wondered if the previous family who lived here were adult babies. And the she worked out that couldn't be true either. That's some decent deduction."

"Yeah. So now she knows, and if she tells her parents–"

"She doesn't know how quickly you put it all together. She spotted the clues, but came to a different conclusion. She thinks... that you had a little before. Something that didn't work out for whatever reason. Like your little changed her mind about the lifestyle, or moved away, or it just didn't click. She's swinging back and forth now between imagining you with some previous little who didn't stay, and seeing you as the poor lonely Mommy who built the perfect nursery just in case she ever met the perfect little, so you could give them a perfect regression experience right from day one. Perhaps that's a reason for her to try to fulfil the fantasies; she feels like your life is incomplete without a little, and she likes you too much to accept that."

"So if she trusts me, she'll give it a try. And in time, maybe she'll acknowledge that the dividing line she needs is between the headspace and the bullying, rather than dividing her little side in two."

"She might be happy with them separate." She shrugged. "But even so, it's likely she'll be able to enjoy two of her interests at once, once she gets used to it. That's why you need to make sure she's happy, and she wants to help you."

"I understand," I nodded, and I thought I did. Tess wanted to be a little more than I had ever realised. I needed to focus more on leading her into that happy place in her mind, rather than pushing her to try it. I promised myself I would play by her rules now, and do everything I could to show that I respected her choices. If it came to it, I would even let her spend time with the obnoxious man who was trying to force her to grow up, if it gave me the opportunity to show her how much she would enjoy being a real little girl instead. Of course, I couldn't let them go too far. Every time they went anywhere, I would remind her to have an accident at the slightest hint of kissing or groping. But she couldn't hold that against me, because she still didn't know I was the one saying the triggers. If she was really enjoying her accidents, she might assume that she'd asked Ffrances or me to trigger her, and then forgotten about it.

I didn't have the time to say any more then, because I heard footsteps on the stairs. And when Tess arrived, she looked cuter than I had ever seen her before. She had pink and white socks on, and a pastel pink romper that made her look almost like a real baby. The effect was even more striking because she didn't have a well-developed figure, and now she was fidgeting constantly to show her excitement.