Your Big Break

twenty six

"Tom?"
"Yeah?" He said softly, looking over at me from where he was sat. There were two sofas in this room, one facing the other, and we'd ended up one on each. I liked that he respected my boundaries though and he didn't expect me to do anything, just sit there with my head rested on my knees
"Thank you." I sniffled a little "And I might not wanna call it a relationship yet, but I don't hate you. I hate being distant even more. It just scares me that I might not find someone because I'm so fucking broken."
"You're not broken. You just need time. And maybe us trying it out wasn't what you needed."
"But I broke your heart Tom. I don't wanna do that no more." He let out a sigh
"Can I come over and comfort you?" I shook my head
"Can we go back to the bus? I don't wanna see Gavin or the boys who were in on this stupid plan."
"Eh, those boys want what's best for you and you know it." He was defensive but his voice remained soft, making me stop and take on board what he was saying
"Still."
"Lucy. I love you, okay, but you aren't half stubborn sometimes." I turned to face him, my cheek on my knees now
"You love me?"
"Just forget that bit for a moment. Focus on why they wanted us to talk. You think they're doing it for their own good?"
"You love me?" I repeated, just wanting a little confirmation that he meant what he said
"Yeah. I do. But we're not talking about that now are we?" I shook my head "Good girl. Why don't you go find them?"
"Can't look Gavin in the eye after what I just said though."
"How about a deal?" I nodded again "We go back to the bus with the boys but no Gavin. But you have to talk to him before he goes. Okay?"
"Deal." He smiled softly "And I love you too."
"I know. Come on, we should probably go find them."
"Can you go get them and bring them back here."
"You really don't wanna see him do you?" I shook my head once more "Go wait outside then. I'll come meet you out there." He stood up and offered his hands to help me up, seeming surprised when I took them. He soon let go though and gently patted my back which was strange considering our previous 'interactions' "Don't move okay. I need to know you're safe and you don't know here like we do. It's not like LA."
"I'll be outside the door yeah?"
"Yeah. Good girl."
"Be quick though. I don't like waiting alone." He gently cupped my cheek, forcing me to look up at him
"I will baby." He kissed my forehead "Go on. Go wait outside. I won't be long." He let go, removing his hands from me completely
"Thanks Tommy."
"You're very welcome bubs."

"I don't like it. It's too quiet." I spoke up, attracting Adams attention who was sat on the seats opposite me on the bus. Tom had gone to his bunk and so had dom. Adam was obviously keeping an eye on me but he tried his hardest not to let on
"You can go get them. But it's a bit tense right now."
"How was Tom when he came to get you guys?"
"A bit stressed. But he seemed a lot calmer with Gavin since you had calmed down." I nodded "Why don't you go see him. He'll be happy to talk to you, he always is."
"But he stopped the past month."
"He was heartbroken kid. He thought he'd done something wrong. Today's the first time I've seen him genuinely alright after interacting with you."
"Why? Has he cried before?"
"I suggest you talk to him about how he feels about that. He's in his bunk."
"Adam? What's been up with him? I thought he was okay."
"Good. That's what he wanted you to think. Go and talk to him, hell appreciate it, promise."
"You gonna be alright? I know you were probably not best pleased with the plan either."
"No. I hated it. But no one listens to me until it all goes wrong."
"Thank you for trying. I appreciate it." I stood up to walk to Tom's bunk but he took me by surprise and opened his arms up for a hug. It was only quick but it felt a little safer after, knowing he was just there if I needed him.

"Tommy?" He turned around in his bunk
"Yeah princess?"
"Can I come up with you?"
"If you want to yeah. It's a bit of a tight space though so we'll probably be close together."
"I don't mind." I said, getting in beside him "I hear you weren't as fine as you made out."
"No. How could anyone be fine hurting you?"
"You didn't. What hurt me was the stupid man before who made me think all those things were going to happen no matter who I was with."
"Lucy, where's this going?"
"I wanna try again. I didn't ask because I thought you didn't care." My voice was breaking as I began to cry "But now Adams telling me you did and I'm just a fucking dick for leaving you."
"Shh. Shh baba." He pulled me closer to him, my face buried in his neck because he knew that calmed me down "You're alright okay. I'm here." I gripped him, letting him baby be because I fucking loved it "You thought that you needed a break. And I respected that no matter how much it hurt me. You're not a dick for that alright?" I nodded and he chuckled softly "At least you're in agreement with me. I'll take it." That brightened my mood a little so I giggled so softly it didn't even make much of a sound. He felt my breath though and sighed when he did
"Can I stay here tonight."
"Yeah. And every other night until the end of tour."
"I wanna be your girlfriend again."
"Okay. That's fine by me."
"So...you're my boyfriend right?"
"Noo." He said sarcastically. It made me laugh but pull away from him so we were face to face
"Tom. I'm being serious."
"Yes, darlin', I'm your boyfriend." I smiled but he seemed to be more focussed on looking down at my lips, his eyes darting between making eye contact and looking at them
"Tom?" He jumped and looked back up at me, caught in the moment "Just kiss me if you want to. You're making me feel all weird just looking up and down my face like that."
"Good weird?"
"Yeah. Kinda." He smirked but hid it by quickly kissing me, softly and slowly as of he was pouring his genuine love and affection into it, rather than it just being a precursor for other activities. He eventually pulled away and just smiled softly
"I love you."
"I love you too. But what was that smirk about?" It returned and he moved so his lips were close to my ear
"There's, Yknow, other stuff we can do." He kissed just below my ear "Or...I can do to you."
"Right here, right now?" He nodded and started kissing my neck, making me realise he was actually willing to take this a little further. It made me uncomfortable and I honestly didn't fear stopping him, he understood "Uh, tom."
"Yeah?" He said, pulling away the minute he sensed I was uncomfortable "You alright?"
"I don't wanna...Yknow. We just got things sorted out."
"Sorry."
"No. I should've-"
"You shouldn't have done anything. I should have thought about that before I started teasing ya. Maybe it's not right to be doing that right now." He kissed my cheek softly
"I don't wanna leave you though." That made his pitiful look of guilt melt away and instead be replaced with a wide smile "I love it when you smile like that."
"I love you." He said softly, making me absolutely melt
"You too Tommy."