Your Big Break

thirty three

"Almost home." Tom said, pointing past me and out the window at the ground below us
"Will anais be there?"
"No. She's away for another week yet. House to ourselves for you to get used to it."
"Can we get a takeaway when we get back?" He chuckled softly
"Yeah. I'll treat ya." I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder
"Can we call gavin when we get home?"
"Course we can. Why do you want to call him?"
"Talk to him."
"Yeah. We can do that. Anything else you want to do?"
"Cuddle." He kissed the top of my head
"Top of my priorities baby. Promise."
"Do you think she will like me?" He sighed softly
"Think she will love you. Like the boys do." I nodded "You know the boys love you right?" I nodded again
"Like family to me. Dom especially after our argument."
"They're always going to be there. I promise."
"Dont you think they'll get bored of me? Now that I'm with you all the time and not them." He shook his head
"You're gonna see so much of them. I think you'll be the ones sick of the sight of them. Besides you'll be working on music and stuff won't ya. So you'll be busy." The seatbelt sign flashed making me whine because I had to sit up "Come on. Keep you safe." I held my hand out and he took it in his, squeezing gently
"Love you." I said softly
"Love you too princess."

"Home sweet home" Tom declared as we walked into the house. I followed him in and nodded, suddenly overwhelmed at the concept of moving in with him. He dumped the cases at the bottom of the stairs, most of the stuff having gone back with dom as it was equipment for tour "You alright baby?"
"Yeah. What time is it?"
"It's like 4am I think. Why? Are you tired?" I shook my head "You up for doing something?"
"What do you mean?"
"Watch a film? Or make some food?"
"Oh." I said, feeling bad because of my primary conclusions
"Cmere." He opened up his arms for a hug, holding me against his chest when he got hold of me "You a bit scared?"
"Yeah. Can you show me my room?"
"Course. Come on." He let me go and started making his way upstairs. I followed him up, feeding off his excitement as it grew on the way. Eventually I was just as hyped as him when we reached a door which I assumed was to my room "Here." He opened the door and pulled me inside "It's not much. But you can make it your own. Anais thought you'd love the fairy lights because I told her about the ones on the bus. And the fluffy blanket is like the one you stole off dom." I looked at the whole room a little overwhelmed with just the small details "But it's all yours to do what you want with okay?"
"I love it." I turned to him "Really love it. Means you gotta sleep in here with me when we share a room."
"Yeah? You tired right now?" I shook my head but it was followed by a yawn "You sure?" I shook my head "Cmon. Its early morning. Come sleep." I shook my head again "Fine. Come cuddle."
"But you want me to sleep."
"But what I want and what I'm gonna get are always two different things."
"Fair enough." I reasoned, sitting on the bed "You wouldn't mind if I didn't wear anything to bed right? I've had these clothes on for so long I just wanna feel less restricted." He raised an eyebrow, looking puzzled "What?"
"Why are you asking?"
"I don't know. Just thought I'd ask. I've been with guys who think that means sex." I looked down at my hands because I knew it was bringing up a sore spot for him and our relationship. He soon squatted down to be my height, tilting my chin up for my eyes to meet his
"Saying yes means sex. Asking for sex means sex. But what you wear or don't means nothing." I nodded "Just want my girl with me. Don't care what she's got on." He stood back up "I can turn the other way if you want? Just whilst you get changed?" I stood up from the bed this time and gently pecked his lips
"Nothing you haven't seen before." He chuckled softly, pulling his shirt off and taking it to the washing basket in the corner. My clothes were only loose sweats so I pulled them off pretty quickly, along with my bra and underwear and followed his path, just as he was walking back to the bed. Tom had gotten comfy when I turned around and i crawled in beside him, closing my eyes as soon as my head hit his chest
"Alright miss I'm not tired." I chuckled
"Shh you. Or I'll stop giving you a cuddle."
"But you're tired right?" He teased. I rolled my eyes "I know you're only rolling your eyes because I'm right."
"Shh. No one asked for your opinion." He chuckled and started playing with my hair
"You know I love being this close to you?" I smiled "Just...I don't know you'll think I'm weird. But the way it's skin to skin, it's so intimate. So....precious."
"You're fucking precious." He didn't say anything but he seemed so happy to just stay there with me "Night Tommy. Love you." He kissed the top of my head
"Love you too."

I woke up after him, evident in the fact he was no longer in the bed beside me. But I could hear his singing from a mile off. He could sing, not that he'd ever let anyone hear it. But he sung for me, and it was the most precious thing ever. Especially when I needed him to calm me down. I listened for a bit then the singing stopped and it made the shower sound more clearer, the music playing quieter in the background. I got up out of the bed, throwing a dressing gown that was hung up on the back of the door around myself. It was clearly Tom's but I didn't care since it was clearly put in my room for me. I walked to the bathroom hearing the shower running and the music playing. But the sight I saw wasn't innocent as I opened the unlocked door wider. I froze for a second, before turning around and leaving the room. I heard him shout hello as he probably heard the bathroom door close, but he must have dismissed it. I went to the bedroom and got into bed, trying my hardest to not cry, but it didn't work and I just basked in the silence whilst I let tears silently fall

"Lucy was that you before?" Tom said. I felt the energy switch as he noticed me "Luce baby are you okay?" He rushed over to the other side of the bed so he could look at my face but his fell when he saw how upset I was "You want me to get dressed?" I nodded and h3 quickly put some joggers on before returning to my side "What's wrong?" I sat up and he moved away, repositioning himself as squatted down in front of me once I was done
"Was you thinking about me?"
"So it was you?"
"Was you thinking about me?" I repeated, urging him to call my worries. He chuckled softly, gently stroking my knee
"Yeah. Like always." He said softly "Why honey?"
"Cus...cus Jason, whenever I said no....he...he said he'd go and touch himself whilst thinking of....of other girls. Said if I couldn't serve him then his thoughts would." I was crying more now, but tom listened patiently even though I could see it breaking his heart "I was sleeping so I couldn't...and so maybe you'd do the same since I'm not...useful?" I waited for a response from him, unsure where this would go
"Baby that's abuse. What that man...that monster did to you was abuse honey. And no one should ever EVER degrade you like that."
"I know it sounds crazy because he didn't actually ever...hit me when I wouldn't have sex with him." Fucking hell you could hear the denial a mile off "I'm sorry you can't even do that...fuck everything up for you."
"No. No. You've not fucked anything up." He stood up and pulled me into him, my head on his stomach as he gently stroked my hair "No one should ever say that to you. That's the grossest form of manipulation." That was the moment where it all seemed to calm down, where I noticed that it had not been as mad and rushed and panicked as I'd been seeing it in my hazy state. I was just being comforted by a man I loved "I would never do that. I promise." He let go and instead held my face in his hands, tilting my head to look up at him "this home. This is where you can heal okay?" I nodded "If you need time and space there's plenty of it, and I will always ALWAYS be there to reassure you." I nodded again but the eye contact must be made tom start crying. He wasn't full on sobbing but his lips turned into a slight frown and his eyes went glossy "Can I give you a cuddle, proper tangled up one?" His voice was cracking and it broke my heart. I nodded and simply made myself comfy as he got in beside me. He held me close, too close for outsiders but just close enough for the pair of us. This new house seemed like a fresh start. Away from Jason and away from life in general for a while. But I couldn't fight the gross unsettled feeling in my stomach that made me fear him coming back. But this time stuck in my head "Gotta let the bad stuff go baby." He mumbled, clearly out of it
"I love you Tommy." He kissed the top of my head
"Always Lucy. I only think of you."