Never Surrender [ Snape x Lupin ]

Chapter Thirty

Places designed to accommodate many visitors end up becoming a receptacle for all those emotions. Hotels, operas, castles, hospitals, every big edification has ghosts, sometimes people see their pale profiles with a corner of the eye sensation and sometimes they live in the format of memories.

Remus entered the empty hospital room, closing it with his body, standing still close to the door. He saw a bench, identical to the one in Severus' bedroom, and sat down not caring about turning on the lights. There was nothing in the dark that would scare him anymore. The anxiety was making him nauseous, the tears that didn't fall just a few minutes ago finally reached his eyes.

Remus realized his tears were mingled. Some were for his wife, passed away right in front of his eyes, and some were because he had just witnessed a similar scene by Severus' side. Remus was becoming hard on the surface because if he didn't, he wouldn't have full custody of Teddy, but sometimes when nobody was around, grief would knock at his door. Getting used to the gap Tonks left behind was painful, she used to mean everything to him. Sometimes Teddy changed his hair color to hers while on Lupin's arms.

"Yes, yes I miss her too" he would whisper to him

Not being able to express much of his emotions had been hard. For the first time, there was literally no other choice than being the strong one. He had to be. For Teddy, for Severus. And yet, Lupin felt small, tiny, and powerless when confronted by how disheartening life could be. He really wished he could have anything with him to distract himself from the anxiety, sitting silently in the dark wasn't the best choice.

To cope with some of those complex emotions, Remus had ended up with a rather unusual mechanism. It was harmless, he had to give himself credit for that, but it would be odd to explain so he kept it to himself in fear of being judged. Remus had grown a new taste for horror books, including the muggle authors. He'd read anything of the genre, even the ones that contained violent scenes, something his doctor wouldn't like. In his own way, he felt he couldn't feel sorry for himself, he had survived, he had to move on and be happy for the ones who weren't there. But those characters, they were in horrible situations, and yet they weren't him. So he could pity them, he could feel sorry for their pain and mourn the ones they lost without being accused of indulging in self-pity.

The truth is that reality can be far more horrific than fiction because to write there has to be some level of sanity, some degree of poetry, even some beauty. But horror in real life isn't written only by the sane and the ones who tamed their perversity through metaphors, it is usually raw, cold, and anticathartic. Remus could consume every drop of gore in those chapters knowing he was actually safe within those words and that the real danger awaited for him as soon as he closed the books.

Remus was terrified. Everything was normal just minutes ago. And now, he felt his word was hanging by a threat. Severus was going to go through surgery again, an emergency one for that matter.

Glass breaking. Why is it always about glass breaking? Why does Severus's magic choose that resource to manifest when he is in danger, threatened, or even hurt? Remus was already outside getting his coat to leave the hospital after visiting Severus when he heard glass cracking and breaking inside his hospital room. He came back to see the window was shattered and all the glasses in the room seemed to resonate, in the imminence of rupture.

Severus had practically called Remus with his hands and expression. The werewolf scanned the place with his eyes for any threats but found no one. As quick as a blink of an eye, Himiko and Jonathan were there, the doctor carried her most severe and concentrated expression. She started casting spells on Severus, who reluctantly felt his eyes getting heavier and looked at her displeased.