Never Surrender [ Snape x Lupin ]

Chapter Thirty Three

There is this thing about dark magic, it mostly comes in whispers, symbols, and foreign tongues. It has always either no eyes or too many, something about physical receptacles that seem ominous but are empty and ordinary shadowy corners in which there is nothing to be seen but plenty to be felt. And tonight, was a special night. No full moon for Remus, but a dark moon for Severus and Pixie.

Ever since Severus got his medical clearance to start performing heavier spells and going back to potion-making, things had been more interesting around the house. Maybe Severus didn't notice the change himself, but Remus and Pixie certainly did. The atmosphere around him changed and his presence was more like him than it had ever been after his hospitalization. It was almost as if he had another dimension to himself now, closer to what it used to be. Only this time around, it seemed a little more perverse, as if he didn't have to refrain from anything anymore.

Remus had been observing him closely while he got back to his magic and the empty spaces where he practiced always had a lingering dark quality to them. Maybe a few years back Remus caught a glimpse of that but, now, giving it some thought it all made sense. Snape knew his magic left traces and he had always been doing something to balance it since he was afraid Voldemort would easily find him, or any Death Eater as well. But now, there was no threat. No need to hold his breath while using his magic in the way that suited him best.

To the potions master, it was delightful to be able to explore his potential again, it was almost as being reborn. As a start, he gave himself the mission to test all the spells he had ever created and see if they could be improved. Most of those were not particularly dark, so he would even have Remus involved. And surprisingly, it was a great bonding activity.

Sometimes Severus refrained from telling too much about the things he had already studied and had contact with to Remus, afraid he'd grow estranged of him. Severus believed that if you desire to create a spell to injure, you should. The ones that can create their own magic, should do so. That was his unshakeable opinion. And it would be unfair to cut off the creations of any wizard only because magic is not only sunshine and rainbows to everyone that possesses a wand.

Once he dared to speak to Remus about his opinion on it, to which they agreed to disagree. Remus is not a dark wizard so he believed that it was not a good idea to facilitate access to anything that could harm others easily. But to Severus, to conceal knowledge is the real perversity. And he expressed he often felt ostracized from the magical community as a child and teenager because he believed no one experienced magic the way he did, only to find out older that there is an entire universe waiting on the other side. Had he known more about his own essence earlier and received better guidance, things would have been different. Not everything, but some would.

It was a refreshing period for them as lovers, they started to politely disagree more. To Severus it meant to show more nuance of his own nature and to Remus, to lose some of his fear of rejection. The werewolf grew up into the fear he couldn't displease anyone he didn't want to lose. But Snape was actually pleased to see Remus being honest to him like never before. It gave him a good feeling that more than anything, Remus wanted him to stay, he wouldn't bother making adjustments if he didn't.

Maybe in conversation dark wizards tended to have severe and calculated manners, but in secrecy, they knew there was another touch to it. Even Pixie, the sugar plum fairy of the neighborhood knew what Snape was leaving implicit between the lines. Whenever they performed spells that resonated strongly with them, usually with darker elements, there was always this deep-rooted satisfaction, this deep breath of pleasure that nurtured their very souls. All things considered, being afraid of power was simply not something Snape could relate to, especially having the Slytherin house to back him up.