Fade Away

8.8

The world has spun 67 times since the last time I saw her, there has been 2 full moons and 8 rainy days.

I remember the rainy days because it reminds me how much she loved fall and it was the worse days.

"Az would you like to share your 3 accomplishments?" The lady trying to force the awkward silence out of the room. I cleared my throat and fixed my posture. "I think the first thing would be that I turned 20, I never thought I would make it to 20 and then one day I was just 20" I said and everyone stared at me. "Especially when you get addicted to something I think I was just always prepared to just not make it through but I turned 20" I added and the counselor smiled at me. "I don't really have three but the other one would be that somebody loved me, you never think anything would love you like drugs do but in all reality drugs don't love you, the people who love you when you love the drugs more then them, love you. Unfortunately I realized that too late" I said looking at my shoes. "Thank you for sharing Az" the counselor said and I just nodded.

I don't really like to sugar code things to the people in my group share. Because some of them were 16 and just wanted to feel something, even if it was guilt. 

Everyone left group share and just me the counselor, "thank you for sharing Az, this is for you by the way" she said pulling an envelope from her bag and I recognized that coffee stained paper anywhere. I ran to my room and contemplated for 20 minutes before finally opening it.

Dear Aziz, I'm glad you're not angry. I am not sure exactly when you'll get out but by then I'll be gone. Somewhere in New York following my dream. I met someone. They're kind and everything I've ever dreamed of. Take care of yourself Aziz.

I always knew she'd move on but maybe deep down I'd hope she come back. But I'm here. Sober and wishing for nothing more then not to be. I'm here. Right where she left me.