Fade Away

12.12

I sat next to my best friend as the soft rain hit our face. "You look like shit man" Zach said laughing lightly and I chuckled. "You don't look so pleasing to the eye either man" I said and he laughed and laid on his back. "Are you sure you don't want some of this?" He asked me as he intoxicating himself with the thing I wanted most besides her.

I shook my head "I'm good" I forced out and focused on the lake. "If it makes you feel better it's not as good anymore and also Zen isn't all that." He said trying to force me to feel better. "She is all that man, I just fucked it up" I whispered and he patted my back lightly. "Hey you and I can get out of here as soon as I learn to sober up. We can go anywhere you want to go" he said and I smiled. "Zach if we leave you do know you'd be leaving Dana right?" I asked and he nodded. "She deserves better anyways" he forced out and I sighed. "We can go to New York or maybe Seattle, I know how you like that type of natury shit" he said and I looked at him. "New York is only big enough for her. Her potential would dim out mine and I wouldn't really know how to make myself better" I said and he nodded. "Do you really think we can get better?" He asked and I nodded before he hugged me.

3 days.

3 days is all it took for Zach's potential to completely vanish. He overdosed. On the same bathroom floor that Zen found me on and it was killing me on the inside. I forced myself out of bed and showed up to his final goodbye because at the end of the day he was my best friend. My family helped me get dressed and helped me walk to the front of the stage where his picture was displayed and a closed casket was making the room turn in my head. "Um I didn't really prepare anything" I said into the microphone. I noticed Zen sitting next to her mom a few rows back and it only made my legs shakier. I sobbed silently and ran my hands through my hair. "Zach was Zach, he lit the world up with his smile and his stupid jokes and he was just" I said before the knot in my throat got larger and my legs started to give up on me. The familiar smell approached me and she held my hand and carried my weight on her body as I leaned against the podium. "He was my best friend. He wanted to be better for his mom and his girlfriend but you know how life is. A lot of people think our potential is defined based on our addiction but I don't think that's true. Zach was filled with potential that made his addiction seem like a careless trait. I love Zach and I always will. I just don't know what to say anymore" I whispered into the microphone and zen squeezed my hand lightly before I ran outside because I felt like getting high and throwing up all at once.