Fade Away

16.16

I woke up to a knock on my door. I quickly threw away the empty container in my hand and opened the door. "You look like hell" my manager said pushing her way inside. "Come in i guess" i mumbled closing the door. "I need alcohol" she said looking through my cabinets . "Im sober remember" I mumbled sitting down. "Bullshit" she said tossing me the bag of weed she had in her bag. "Look I'm not sober anymore but I really don't want to fall in the same loophole" I said tossing her her bag when she sat down. "You're gonna need it" She said handing me a bottle she mysteriously made appear. I took a short swing and handed it back to her when it hit my throat. "Your ex girlfriend sat down at our table 2 today" she said and I looked at her confused. "She's publishing a book and the bookstore down the street is having her do a book signing" she said as she scanned me for my response. I rubbed my face and laid back, I don't know how to face her, not when I was sober and not now. "I quit" I said getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen. She laughed lightly knowing I was bluffing, I had a dog to feed after all. "If it makes you feel better our pancakes suck so I doubt that she will come back." she said and I laughed. "Dana I have work so please just don't make a mess or eat my chicken" I said pulling a clean shirt onto myself and putting on my shoes. "Feed my dog Dana" I yelled as I walked out of the apartment. 

My walk there was dreadful not only because the fear of seeing her made me freeze up but because it was cold and my body ached because of it. Work wasn't completely horrible but it was slow so I just wrote in my journal and watched the clock tic. The door opened and I didn't remove my eyes from my journal until I walked over a menu. We met eyes and I'm not sure if it was the drugs in my system but I felt like I couldn't breathe. "pancakes please" she mumbled handing me the menu and pulling out her laptop. I wrote it down shakingly and handed it to our chef. "Please wash your hands and make sure they don't taste like ass" I whispered and he only rolled his eyes and nodded. I felt her eyes on me as I cleaned off a table. It's almost like she knew what I have done. Like she could see the drugs pumping through my system and the detox I worked so hard for fade away.