TheUnwillingChosenOne Uploaded!

I Became The Chosen One and Now I Hate My LIfe

The video begins shakily, a boy with messy, black hair toyed with the cheap desktop camera attached to a dented monitor. The boy threw himself backwards into a chipped wooden chair that groaned dangerously under the assault. The boy was shorter than average and far too thin, but his attitude and personality made up for it. He squirmed around in his seat in an attempt to get comfortable before starting to speak.

"So my friend suggested I make a sort of video diary to help me balance my emotions or something like that. Honestly that sounded kinda stupid and boring, so I made this youtube channel instead. Uh, my name is Harry Potter, I'm nearly thirteen, and I am the chosen one and savior of the wizarding world." The last bit was said with as much sarcasm as a middle schooler making fun of a high waisted man.

"Anyways, I should probably start from the beginning or whatever. Um, let's see, uh, my parents were killed on Halloween when I was, like, one. This super evil dark lord, Volde- um, actually let's call him Tim Roddle," the boy had to take a second as he was shaking from laughing. "So, Tim Roddle killed my dad after he broke into our house which was hidden by a secrecy spell, the guy who had the secret was literally a rat, like he could turn into one. Oh um, I got off track, Tim killed my dad and then came and killed my mum in front of me, which dick move by the way!"

"And then to top that off, I got stuck with my muggle relatives, oh muggles are non-magical people, and I'm pretty sure they would have kicked me out if they wouldn't get in trouble. Then when I turned eleven, I got my Hogwarts letter, that's the magical school I go to, and I found out that I'm famous for not dying after Tim hit me with the killing curse. Overall, my life is hell and I crave death. Signing off, Potter out!"

This video was posted on June tenth by user TheUnwillingChosenOne and blew up within a day. Harry gained fifteen hundred followers. The comments were equal parts hilarious and morbid, but overall the video gained a lot of traction in the few days it had been up. Harry thought it was funny how the people who watched it believed he was joking and being a general menace to society. The validation from strangers on the internet for ranting about his bullshit life was enough for him to decide to continue the vlog series.

"Boy! Come down here!" Uncle Vernon screamed from downstairs. With a sigh, Harry quickly dashed down the stairs to see what the walrus wanted. "Marge is coming to visit, you will behave or else!"

"Will you sign my Hogsmeade permission form if I do?"

"Fine. We told Marge that you went to St. Brutus' School for the Criminally Deranged."

With that Uncle Vernon walked off. Harry ran back up the stairs to his room. He sat down in the wooden chair in front of the desktop computer that Dudley had gotten for his tenth birthday before getting bored after two days. He turned the monitor and camera on and after minor adjustments began to film.

"Hey guys! Nice to talk to you again, I guess. Some people thought Muggles was a, and I quote, "bitching name for fans", so I guess I'll be calling all my fans muggles? Onto the reason for this rant! My aunt Mar- wait can I get in trouble for using her real name? Um, we'll call her Aunt Mango, anyways, Aunt Mango is coming to stay for a week which means I'll be treated like a House Elf. Oh! A house elf is this small creature, kinda looks like a hairless cat, but they have magic and are used as servants in the wizarding world. Aunt Mango makes me do everything while her precious Dudders and stupid dog Ripper are treated like kings. Jokes on her, all I think about while she talks is strangling her!"

"My Uncle told her I went to this school for crazy people instead of a magic school. But he did agree to sign a permission form for me to go to this little village near Hogwarts if I 'behave'." Harry shifted around in his chair, a petulant frown marring his face. "Honestly, how my relatives haven't gotten CPS called is beyond me! Comment tips on how to put up with intolerant relatives with big egos! Pray for my sanity, Potter Out!"

Turning off the camera, Harry laid down on the old cot he had for a bed as he contemplated how the next week would go. Marge would be her normal peachy self, probably insult his parentage and appearance, just normal Monday morning bullshit! A soft pinging from the monitor caught his attention before his thoughts could spiral further downward. He sat back in the chair as he checked the messages from his newest video.

Amaya C. commented: Sorry about ur aunt! Try reciting a poem or song in your head? Idk.

MilfsMakeMeSmile commented: @TheUnwillingChosenOne is such a mood!

SVVIYSYIVDBKJK commented: I'll gladly throw hands with your aunt! She sounds like a b*tch!!

More comments were popping up as he scrolled through them, getting some valuable advice and a few good laughs. His fans really seemed to enjoy his videos! He grinned, excited to have another update for them soon.