The Hunter's Alpha

19 Failure

Devon

I picked up my glass and tilted what was left of the golden liquid into my mouth. I could barely taste the dry flavour of the magically enhanced whisky, much like I could barely register the colours in the office around me. Everything was dull and meaningless.

Picking up the next paper on my desk, I forced myself to focus on the words printed on the page. It was relating to the function Megan was planning. I'd given my permission, but I'd heard very little about the mate ball since Amber had left me. I glanced at the date, and realized that it was set for tomorrow. How had it snuck up on me like this?

No one had directly mentioned it to me. My brother, Megan, and basically everyone else in the pack were all tiptoeing around me, and why not? My wolf was unpredictable, and my control was worse than it had ever been. Worse even than when I'd been a cocky adolescent with an abnormally strong wolf undergoing the ravages of puberty. There'd been plenty of mishaps back then, but no one had been relying on me then.

They shouldn't be relying on me now.

I couldn't focus, I couldn't function. I was a failure as an alpha, just as much as I was a failure as a mate.

My wolf chose that moment to rouse himself, tempting me with all the things I could be doing instead of sitting here in my office while trying and failing to keep it all together.

It wouldn't be difficult to find out where she had gone. I'd placed Oliver in charge of handling any of Sarah's additional needs and expenses, but one quick alpha command, and he'd have no choice but to tell me where they were staying. Hell, five minutes alone in his office and I could probably have the address in my hands. Twenty minutes later, I could be on the road, heading towards her.

I'd get there, find that tantalizing scent that my wolf would never forget, and follow the trail straight to her. Then, it would all depend on her reaction. If she were happy to see me, I would woo her. If I knew it would go that way, I'd already be on my way.

The problem was that I wasn't sure what she would do. If she wasn't happy to see me, I didn't know what my wolf would respond to more rejection, as upset as he was. Maybe I'd drag her back to Marrowcliff and never allow her leave again, no matter what she wanted. Maybe my wolf would rampage through the human city and be put down by hunters for exposing the supernatural. Maybe my wolf would overpower me and mark her against her will. None of those outcomes were acceptable.

My wolf loved the repugnant idea of marking and carrying her off.

I truly was a monster.

But instead of getting up and snooping around Oliver's office like I was sorely tempted to do, I just poured another drink.

—————

Hours later, I woke up on the couch beside the bookshelf in my office. A glance at my father's clock told me it was already past nine in the morning. I had no memory of how I ended up here, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that I'd spent another night drinking at my desk before crashing on the closest spot. My father had always kept a couch in here when this office had been his and I'd copied the habit, but I was pretty sure that hadn't been for his convenience in passing out drunk like I'd been doing.

I missed my father and mother even after all this time, but a dark side of me was relieved that they weren't here to see how far I had fallen, what a disappointment I had turned out to be.

I pushed up from where I lay. My head throbbed and my neck ached from sleeping in an uncomfortable cramped position. Making my way out the door towards the kitchen, I grabbed something to eat that was leftover from breakfast. My sensitive ears picked up an excess of excited chatter, and I could feel the same sentiment like a heady thrum through the bond with my pack. There were a lot of wolves looking forward to the possibility of finding their mates. They were all so hopeful.