Meaningful texts

Friends~

I'm a lot. Everyone thinks they know me but they don't. I'm complicated and I hate that somethings, but I've learned to accept it throughout the years by learning everything about me. I'm a book and I'm the only one who saw all the pages. The dark ones, the ones I'm proud of, even the ones I most truly hate. I saw all of me, but you didn't. People don't understand me. At least not all of me and that's my fault. I've been so closed my whole life without realising it and I've never let anyone break my wall. Now I know better. I've met people. People who are smart in ways that most people are not. I look up to them. The way they think, the way they handle life, just how they act in general. They are the ones who can break that wall. They have the power to look at little pieces of your soul. They also have the power to destroy them and that's what makes them dangerous, most threatening. Yet still I am drawn to them. That's the thing with having similar characteristics. Once you see yourself in someone, you've created a bound unintentionally and you can't seem to let go of that. At least that's the case with me. Maybe you can call me narcissistic cuz I'm drawn to features of myself. But yet again it is stronger than the things I want to control. I want these people in my life, they interest me. Make me feel more alive and myself than I've been in years, but they also hurt me. Like I said before, they are dangerous. But if I never take a risk, the feeling of being alive will fade and habits will return. I'm not a danger to myself if that's what you're thinking. But I'm also really toxic sometimes. I can ruin things, memories, bounds and even people. I'm selfish by even wanting to come close to them, talk to them. But that's the thing. I am selfish in some cases. This is one of them. Will I regret it? Maybe. Will a lot of people leave me? Probably. Will I get hurt? Most definitely yes, but it's worth it. Cuz the feeling of not being alive is worse than all of the pain they can give me.