Onderon- A Luxsoka Fanfic

Chapter 17: Grieving Doubts

Ahsoka, Anakin, Obi-wan and Rex had returned to Coruscant a few days later. The Jedi Council had commended them on their success of helping the rebels to free Onderon but Ahsoka had just felt numb and cold. She'd expressed her deep guilt and regret over Steela's death to Lux the day before they left and he made sure that she knew it wasn't her fault but the look Saw's anguished face wasn't going to leave Ahsoka's mind anytime soon. Deep down Ahsoka knew she would always blame herself and couldn't shake the darkness that had stemmed from seeing Steela and Lux kiss. It had begun to consume her mind in the way it had Steela's body.

Getting over grief took different times for everyone and her Master had made sure to talk deeply to her about what had happened on Onderon. In some respects, that had helped but many parts of Ahsoka wanted to keep Onderon just to herself even though more people had been there than for Carlac or Raxus. She had also been rather quiet towards Lux despite his new role of Senator meaning he would be coming to Coruscant on a regular basis. Ahsoka just couldn't bear to see him as fear plagued her as to whether or not Lux would blame her now for what happened to Steela.

Of course it would be out of character for Lux to not blame her right after the death but then blame her a week later however grief could make people change. Yet Ahsoka had never felt so nervous, angry, upset and generally numb whenever she had finished a mission or she thought about Lux. A sudden knocking at her door caused Ahsoka to snap out of her deep thoughts and give a slight jump. "Snips? Can I come in? I need to talk to you!" Anakin started to knock harder on her door with his metallic hand.

Ahsoka stood up and opened the door. "Master? Is everything okay?" She sat down on her mattress bed while Anakin lent on the window frame.

Anakin looked around her room as he seemed to notice the lack of furniture and basic dismal condition of her quarters. "Yeah Snips, everything is fine. Well, actually no. No, it's not fine." Seeing the look of panic of her face, Anakin was quick to reassure his Padawan. "Don't worry, everything's fine with me. It's you I'm worried about Snips. Steela's death was hard on you for obvious reasons and it can take time for you to adjust." Ahsoka knew that Anakin was trying to helpful yet in that moment she found him extremely patronising.

She stood back up and wrapped her arms around him in a hug despite her annoyance. "Thank you Master, but I'm fine. I don't need time to adjust. Is there another mission for us to go on?" Anakin could see that she was just asking to avoid having this conversation but previous experiences informed him that pursuing this idea would led to a lot of general heartache.

He shook his head. "No, the Council wants us to stay here for a couple of days." Ahsoka pulled away from him with a frown.

"Why? Do they not trust me to do a good job?" Ahsoka completely pulled away and began to stomp towards the door.

Anakin could see the warning signs glaring at him. "No, no, it's not that. Besides you do have a mission but you're staying here on Coruscant. I have to just stay here in the Temple and meditate, train or teach. Very boring. You're lucky Snips, you know that right?" He pulled her back into a hug to let her cool down.

Ahsoka didn't resist as it wasn't often now that they did get to hug. She had always liked it when they did. To her, Anakin was a mentor, brother and father all rolled into one. She wouldn't change him for anything in the galaxy. "I know Master, thank you. What's my mission?" Despite this heartfelt moment, she was still keen to be up and out.

Anakin chuckled. "You'll be looking over some of the Senate building's security and making sure it's to the highest standard. You'll also be given a schedule for some of the Senators to spend at least two hours being a key part in their security team. Some of the Senators have been receiving and experiencing threats because of something they are discussing in the Senate. As you know this has happened before but this time it seems on a much more threatening scale. The Chancellor just wants a Jedi to oversee things in the actual building to provide some sense of safety. Can you do that Snips?" He couldn't keep the grin off his face at the mock offended and confident face of his Padawan.