In My Head

Berkeley High School ~ Logan

Mom drives the car past the front of this huge, preppy looking building. The main entrance is pretty much a wall of windows and pillars. This is the school? Unreal.

She slows to a crawl and lets out a sigh. "Do you see a free parking spot anywhere?"

Kaden glances around, but I don't bother looking. "Why don't you just drop us off?" I ask.

Mom hesitates for a split second. Then she looks over at Kaden, seemingly thinking it over.

"Wait for Logan on the sidewalk, sweetie," Mom says to Kaden as she reaches out to hand him a mound of paperwork.

Kaden wrinkles his forehead and looks at me in the back seat. Finally, he takes the paperwork from Mom and gets out of the car.

She turns in her seat to look back at me. "Are you ready for this?"

"Relax, Mom. I've got this."

"I suppose it should only be for an hour or so. It'll be a good way to ease you into things." She smiles.

A flash of anger hits me. "I don't need to be eased into anything," I tell her, and it's the truth. I've been alone with Kaden plenty of times. Sure, there's usually someone close by, but still, it's not like I'm completely helpless. I know what to do.

Mom raises her eyebrows. "Don't snap at me, Logan."

"Then don't coddle me. I'm sixteen. I'm old enough to babysit a toddler. I think I can manage to look after my own brother."

Mom presses her lips into a fine line. "You think?"

I close my eyes, mentally kicking myself. "I know I am."

"Logan, I don't think you understand. It's different when you're all alone."

I shake my head. She's the one who doesn't understand. "I've got this, Mom."

"Well, I'm leaving it all up to you then. You know what that means, right?"

I nod, my eyes out the window, automatically locking on to my brother. He's leaning against a pillar, his arms crossed, one foot up on the building, his knee bent at an angle. Looking impatient. It's hard not to imagine him going down and smacking his head on the concrete. I wince and look back at Mom, who raises her eyebrows again. Waiting for me to explain it to her.

"Of course I know what that means . . . It means reminding him to take his meds on time. And following first aid guidelines."

"Which are?"

I sigh and ramble off the list. "Protect his head, keep him on his side, if it gets to five minutes, call for help."

She hesitates, even after all that.

"I got this, Mom. Give me some credit. I've been here for the past six months too."

"Alright then." She nods. "I'll be testing you. Any seizures he has between now and when he starts school, it'll be up to you. Alright?"

I take a big breath and nod.

"Call me if-"

"I will," I interrupt her. I lean forward in my seat and pat her on the shoulder. "You can count on me to keep him safe."

"I know." She smiles. "Call me if-" She cuts herself off. "Call me as soon as you're done, okay?"

I nod and get out of the car, and Mom drives off. These mixed feelings of freedom and responsibility wash over me. The idea of watching Kaden without any backup is a bit dizzying to be honest, but I knew this was coming.