In My Head

Conditions ~ Kaden

Dad shows up finally. He sits between me and Mom and grabs a menu from the table. "Sorry I'm late. Were you waiting long?"

"Not at all," Mom says with a smile. "I thought we could share a couple entrées and order some appetizers." She studies her menu.

I set my elbow on the table and prop my chin against my hand.

"I heard the good news," Dad says into his menu. "I'm glad you're getting better already." He pats my shoulder heavily.

"Thanks." I sit up and grab my silverware, suddenly feeling awkward for letting Mom and Dad think I'm getting better. I unwrap the napkin, rewrap it, and unwrap it again as everyone talks about what they want to order.

"Is that okay with you, Kaden?" Mom asks.

I look up, realizing that I totally spaced them all out. I shrug.

"We're here for you, sweetie. If you want something, just ask for it, okay?"

I have to close my eyes so I don't glare at her. Why does she have to talk to me like that?

The waitress shows up, and everyone orders. We're sharing all the food so I zone everyone out, wishing that I could just go home. Out of nowhere, Logan drops his menu and lunges for my shoulder, knocking his glass over. Ice flies all over the table. I jump, realizing that Mom is halfway out of her chair, but she sits back down.

They thought I was going down. I push Logan away and feel my face go hot.

"What soup do you want?" Mom asks me.

"Uh, I don't," I say as I watch Logan scoop his ice back into his glass.

"You sure?" Mom asks.

I stare at the table and nod.

The waitress grabs Logan's glass and hurries off.

"Okay, now that we're all here." Mom smiles and leans over in her chair. She sets a small silver present bag on the table in front of me. "To celebrate your good day."

I steal a glance at Logan and furrow my eyebrows at the bag. To celebrate all our lies and secrets, I think, somehow feeling even more awkward about it than before. I peel the tape off the bag and pull out a black digital watch.

"To replace your lost one," she explains.

I nod, thinking about the watch that Lissa bought for me. Is this how easy it is to replace her? I feel sick to my stomach.

"I programmed all your times in already." Mom beams from ear to ear. "Do you like it?"

I nod. "Thanks, Mom." I fiddle with the band, put it on, and stare at it. I need to move on, but it's just so hard when the dumbest little thing reminds me of her.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Dad asks.

"Going out," Logan says.

"Nothing," I say at the same time.

Mom and Dad exchange looks. Logan has that stubborn gleam in his eye. I stare at the oriental centerpiece, my jaw set.

". . . Out, huh?" Dad says, breaking the odd silence.

"Yeah, we made a couple friends," Logan says. "They're picking us up at eight o'clock."

"What are you going to do?" Mom asks.

Logan glances at me. "I dunno yet."

I stand up, glare at Logan, and walk away from the table, toward the restroom sign.

Logan follows me into the bathroom. "When were you gonna tell me about this?" I turn around and glare at him.

Logan gapes at me. "I . . . forgot."

No he didn't. He probably didn't even think about telling me. I don't want to risk ruining a good day just so he can get with a girl. "I'm not going." I shove my hands into my pockets.

"Not going? Why not?"

"It's with the redhead, right?"

". . . Yeah," he says.

"I don't wanna go."

"Don't be stupid, Kade. It's gonna be fun."

"No, it's not."

"You don't even know what we're doing," Logan says.

"Does it matter? I wasn't even invited."

"Yeah you were. Stephanie's friend is really into you."

Oh, man. I almost forgot about Megan. I'm not looking forward to blowing her off.

". . . It's a beach party," he says.

A beach party? Is he trying to kill me?

"Come on . . . Kade."

"You really wanna go that bad?" I ask.

Logan nods.

"I never said you had to stay home with me."

"Like Mom would let me leave you alone," he says.

Sure, Mom thinks I need a babysitter, and somehow that's my fault. Anyways, I'd rather hang out with Mom and Dad the rest of the night than go to a stupid party.

"Don't make me call and cancel on them," Logan says.

I sigh. Is he seriously trying to guilt me into this? "Don't act like I decided to get epilepsy just so I could ruin your life."

Logan glares at the mirror. "You know, I'm just trying to help you make friends."

"I don't want help making friends."

"Fine. But when they ask why we canceled, I'm gonna tell them about the epilepsy."

What the hell?! "You wouldn't," I say.

"Try me." Logan turns back and stares me in the face.

As much as I want to deny that I care, there's just no point. He would call my bluff. The worst part is that I know he would tell them. I can't believe this!

"Fine, I'll come, under two conditions," I say.

Logan rolls his eyes. "Why should you get conditions?"

"Because I can tell people you're screwed up too."

Shock covers Logan's face for a second, and then he glares at me. "But I'm not."

"Yeah, but they don't know that."

Logan sighs and looks at the mirror again.

"We leave when I say."

"...Okay," Logan says.

"You don't get drunk."

Logan stares, his jaw tight.

"You hafta drive us home," I say.

"I know." He puts his hands in his pockets and shifts his feet. "Fine. But you gotta promise me something. Give this girl a chance. I think you two could be good together."

Why does it always have to be about girls with him?

"Come on," Logan says. "She's hot and she likes you. What's so bad about that?"

What's so bad? It's only been like three days since I left Lissa in West Linn, and I'm going on a date with a girl I don't even like, and I can't get Mirna out of my head. That's not even the worst part. What's so bad is that, even though I know it's not fair, I'm not going to do the right thing.

I'm a liar now, so I might as well get used to it, right?