In My Head

Headaches and Heartbreaks ~ Kaden

The car stops. "Here we are," Mommy says.

"Yay," Logan shouts. He unbuckles and grabs his backpack.

Mommy gets out of the car and opens Logan's door. He jumps out. "Come on Kaden." Mommy bends down to look in at me, her head sideways with her hair over her eyes. I don't move. "Don't make me say it again," she says, but I shake my head and cross my arms with my eyes forward so I don't have to look at her mad face. "Now, Kaden."

"I don't wanna go," I say.

Mommy gets in next me. "Logan is so excited about school. Aren't you excited?"

". . . No."

"Why not?"

"School is dumb."

Mommy unbuckles me-she's going to make me go. I spin in my seat and kick her legs. "No, no, no! I don't wanna go."

"Don't be like this, Kaden. I promise you'll have fun."

School isn't fun. It's hard, and the teachers are mean, and everyone says Logan is smart and I'm slow and dumb.

Mommy grabs my feet. "Stop kicking me. Stop it!"

I try to pull my feet away-I hit my head. "Oww!" Tears slide down my face and tickle my ears.

"Oh Kaden." Mommy pulls me up. "If you were a good boy and came when I asked, you wouldn't have hit your head on the door. Let's be good and go to school now okay?"

"Why?" I wipe out my eyes.

"Because Logan is going. Don't you want to be like Logan and go to school?"

I do want to be like Logan. I try hard to be smart and make Mommy and Daddy laugh and smile, but I went to kindergarten last year and it didn't make Mommy and Daddy love me like they love Logan. First grade won't be any different.

"Let's go." Mommy pulls me out of the car. Logan sticks his tongue out at me from the sidewalk. My head throbs. Mommy kneels and hugs me. "Have fun. I'll see you after school."

"No! I wanna go home . . ." More tears come, but I don't wipe them away, because then I would have to let go of Mommy.

"Logan, why don't you go to the playground? I'm going to take Kaden to his teacher, okay?" Mommy tries to stand up, but I don't let her go. She picks me up and carries me down the sidewalk to the school. I wipe my face and sniffle. "You have the best first grade teacher, sweetie," Mommy says. "She's nice and lots of fun, and she'll teach you everything you need to know. Here we are." She stops at a classroom and puts me down so she can knock on the door.

A lady with big glasses comes to the door. She has a long red dress and her classroom smells like apples. "Oh hello!" she says. She sounds like a grandma.

"Hi, I'm Sheri Hastings, and this is Kaden." Mommy nudges the back of my head where it hurts, and I wince. "Say hi, Kaden."

"Hi," I mumble.

"He's having some first day jitters," Mommy says.

"Is that so?" The teacher comes down to my height the way adults do when they want to make me feel better, but it always just makes me feel too tall. "I'm Mrs. Applegate, Kaden. It's nice to have you in class."

I don't say anything, because I don't know what she wants me to say.

"Are you excited to have a fun day today?" she asks.

I look over at Mommy and feel the tears coming back. I hug her leg, wishing she would pick me back up.

"I think he's nervous because kindergarten was really hard for him," Mommy says. "He's still learning his letters. I worked with him all summer, but memorizing is just so hard for him. He's more of a tactile learner. Sitting still isn't easy, and he has trouble focusing sometimes."

"Oh, well if he's still learning his letters, I can test him for the Reading Recovery Program. If he qualifies, we could take care of the paperwork right now, if you have time?"

"That would be great!" Mommy says. She grabs my hand and walks me into the classroom. She makes me sit at a table with the teacher, who shows me a card with lines and curves. I know that one. It's a D. Then I remember that these are called letters and each one has a name.

The teacher puts the card on the table. "D?" I say.

She nods and shows me another one. It looks kind of like the same but backwards. "D!" I say, and she smiles, but shakes her head. She shows me another one and another one. "Um . . . A! G? That one's K, Mommy, for Kaden!" I point at the card, and the teacher smiles.

I look at the next card, but it jumps. Suddenly there are three cards on the table. I blink and look around and see the teacher in her red dress and glasses. She is frowning at me, and my head hurts worse than ever.

"Kaden, can you do any of these?" Mommy asks me.

I stare at the cards, but I don't want to do this anymore. I make up answers for the rest of the cards so that we can be done.

"Okay," the teacher says. "Let's sign him up for Reading Recovery. You might also want to talk to your doctor about his attention. He seems to have trouble focusing."

Mommy nods and fills out a form so I can do Reading Recovery, which sounds like it will be hard.

"I'm sorry," I say, and I try to crawl into Mommy's lap, but she won't let me.

"It's okay sweetie. You did your best, and now you'll get the help you need so you can catch up to your brother."

Reading Recovery will make me smart like Logan? "Really? You promise?" I ask.

"Of course," Mommy says with a smile.

"Yay! I can't wait!" I say, and they both laugh.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read! I appreciate any comments and votes you send my way! What do you think of Kaden as a first grader?