In My Head

Two Days After the Move ~ Twisted ~ Kaden

Twisted ~ Kaden

I'm sitting at a table in an art classroom, working on this huge sketch when a man's voice comes on over the speakers: "Good afternoon, West Linn High. This is principal McMakhen with your announcements for Friday, March twenty-sixth."

Everyone in the classroom stops working and gathers up their art supplies. Man, they're noisy, shoving chairs across the floor, almost shouting at each other, so that I can't hear the announcements. I try to concentrate on my drawing, but someone shoves a chair into my leg. I drop what I'm doing and stand up, and the room plunges into silence so that I can hear the announcements.

"Honor students, make sure you report to the art room immediately to help Kaden Hastings. He's failing all his classes and needs your help."

The classroom shrinks in on me.

"Scholarship deadlines are today. I see Kaden Hastings didn't turn in his scholarship application. No surprise there, but at least it doesn't matter since he won't be going to college."

The kids close in, crowding around me tightly.

"As you all know, our boys' basketball team will be playing the Grizzlies tomorrow. Since Kaden Hastings has epilepsy, he won't be playing, so we're going to lose. Go Bulldogs."

Everyone in the room glares at me. Someone in the back barks, deep and rumbling like a feisty bulldog. Slowly, they all start to join in. Someone grabs my drawing pad and smacks me over the head with it. I reflexively duck and cover my head with my arms. I get shoved to the side, and then pushed back the other way, caught in the middle of a mob of barking artists. They all hit me with their drawing notebooks.

Lissa appears at the door. Her cheeks are flushed pink and she's breathing hard from running all the way here. She calls my name just as someone shoves me from behind so hard that I fall forward to my hands and knees. I curl up on my side, totally petrified, unable to defend myself as all the notebooks pummel my body.

"Kaden!" Lissa calls. She drops to the floor, trying to reach me, but there are just too many people between us, and I can't move. I can barely protect my head.

"Kaden!"

I open my eyes-it's dark. Where am I? Where's Lissa? Finally, I realize I'm in bed. It was a dream. That same dream again, with a twist.

My door bursts open so suddenly I jump and cry out. Someone turns the light on, making my eyes hurt. I reflexively grab my pillow and cover my face, turning over with an involuntary groan; my whole body is so stiff and sore that it actually hurts to move. "Time to get up . . . Come on, you need to take your AED," Mom nags.

"I am, just turn the light off, okay?"

The room plunges into semi-darkness, and I push the pillow away and slowly untangle myself from my blankets, which are twisted up around my legs. I must have been tossing and turning all night long. I climb out of bed and stare into the shadowy corner until I can see the white pill case on my nightstand next to my alarm clock. 7:01

I pop open Friday Morning and turn the pill case over to drop the pills into my hand, making all the pills rattle against the plastic. I take my meds with a whole glass of lukewarm water, and Mom finally leaves.

I tip back onto my bed, but I don't let myself lie back down. Even with the door open, it's too dark in here. The window in my old room faced the sunrise, which made it easier to get up in the morning, or harder to go back to sleep. So much about this still feels weird. I can't even remember to set my alarm clock, because the reminder in my digital watch has been my wake-up call since Lissa gave it to me. Man, I'm lucky Mom woke me up.

Lissa. She tried so hard to save me, but in the end I had to save myself, but all I did was lie there and let them hit me with their notebooks. God, that was a twisted dream.

The muffled sound of running water reaches my ears-Logan in the shower.

What if today is bad like yesterday? I can barely move. There's no way I can deal with school right now. Besides, the last thing I want to do on the first day is go down and ruin my chance at starting over. That settles it. I'm not going to school today.

I find Mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast. The Alexa is on, blaring some classical music. I stop on the edge of the carpet and watch her scramble eggs at the stove. Her long curly hair is pulled up into a loose bun. She's still in her pajamas, fuzzy pink slippers and everything.

Mom turns around. "You're just in time for breakfast." She scoops the eggs off the pan onto a plate on the breakfast bar. "Come on, don't let it get cold."

"I'm not hungry . . . Can I stay home today?" I ask.

Mom turns to really look at me. "I think you should stay home every day," she says, and I roll my eyes. I knew better than to bring this up. "Why don't you let me homeschool you, sweetie? You're exhausted. Going to school will only make you worse right now."

I try to imagine it. Me, stuck at home with Mom every day while Logan gets to go to school, make new friends, meet girls, and have fun. Just the thought of it makes me shudder.

"I don't need to be homeschooled, Mom," I say. "I just want a day off, that's all."

"This is why you got so far behind in school," she says. "One day off turns into a couple days off every week, and before you know it, you have too much makeup work to catch back up."

I stare at her.

She sets the pan back on the stove and cracks another egg into the pan. "If you don't want to be homeschooled, then you need to show me that you're willing to do what it takes. That means going to school every day. If that's too much for you, then you need to be homeschooled."

This is so unfair. "But . . . Mom?"

Mom turns back to look at me. "So you tell me. Are you going to school today, or am I homeschooling you?"

I stare at her, but she looks right back at me. I can tell that she wants me to give in to her and quit. Well guess what?

I refuse.

"I guess that means I'm going to school then," I say, and as I turn away, I see the look of shock on her face. I clench my jaw and stalk down the hallway and back to my room, slamming the door shut after me.