In My Head

It Sucks ~ Logan

Kaden walks by my open door, on his way to his room. I can't help but get up and follow him. He slumps onto his bed and wipes his face, and I see the tears in his eyes. I want to ask him what happened, but I can't. I don't let myself, no matter how much I want to know, how curious I am. He'd hate me for asking. I don't want him to yell at me right now. Besides, he's probably just crying for like the millionth time because of the epilepsy and how much it sucks. So I stand in awkward silence.

"I'm going to sleep," he mumbles.

"Okay." I step out of his room and stop at my door. I don't want to sit around just in case Kaden has a seizure. He has that sensor underneath his mattress that will set off an alarm, which goes off in my room, and in Mom and Dad's room too.

I go on a walk around our giant house, looking for Mom to see if she can listen in, just in case. So that I can go play some ball in the driveway. After walking around the kitchen, dining room, and living room, I check the media room just to see if she is in there for some reason.

Finally, I think about checking her room. She's always exhausted and takes naps a lot. Dad told me once that Mom stays up all night most nights because she can't stand the idea of Kaden having a seizure in the middle of the night without her there to help him. That new sensor under Kaden's mattress was supposed to help with that. So she could sleep without worrying about Kaden. But maybe she still can't sleep at night.

I walk down the hallway and ease her door open. She's in her bed, but before I can even turn around and leave, she sits up. "Is Kaden okay?!" she asks, already getting out of bed.

"He's fine, Mom! He went to sleep. I just wanted to go outside. Can I...?"

"Oh." She settles back down and runs her hand through her hair. "Sure, I'll hear if... Sure, you go play and have fun, alright?"

I nod and walk out, feeling really awkward. I jog through the house to the garage, trying to shake off the feeling of annoyance that's washing over me. Because I'm sixteen, and I shouldn't need to get permission to go outside. But I do, because my brother could die if no one is watching him.

I find the ball in the garage, open the garage door, and dribble out. For a while I just focus on dribbling while I jog up and down the driveway. Then I play some Around the World, only going on to the next point if I make the shot. I get stuck at the first three pointer for three shots when suddenly, a dog runs across the driveway. It's a chocolate lab, like the dog belonging to the girl from our art class.

What the?! It comes right at me, but then goes around me and disappears into my house!

"Nessa!" someone shouts. I turn to see a girl step around the bush and walk up the driveway. The girl from our art class, the one we gave a ride home to yesterday. The girl Kaden likes so much he made us walk by her house this morning.

I can't help but point at her. "I thought I recognized that dog from earlier today. You came over." I give her a friendly smile as I realize we never introduced each other. "I'm Logan, by the way."

"Logan, nice to meet you. I'm Mirie." She holds her hand out.

We shake like normal, but then I slip my hand out, grab her fingers, then lock thumbs, and finally I pound her fist. She gives me the cutest smile, complete with red cheeks. I can't help but grin at her reaction. Mirie, huh? That's a nice name. I commit it to memory.

"Come on; let's go get your dog." I lead the way up the driveway and into the garage. We go through a hallway, past the washer and dryer and the apartment stairs, and into the kitchen.

The dog is nowhere to be seen, so I continue on into the house, glancing into the dining room and living room as I walk across the great room. I check in the media room on the way by, and then head down the hallway to my room.

The dog isn't in my room. Oh. I wonder if she went into Kaden's room. I glance at Mirie and then walk up to his open door. The dog is curled up on the foot of his bed. She's watching Kaden sleep. Crap, I don't want to wake up my brother. Maybe we can get the dog out of here without waking him up.

"Nessa, come," Mirie whispers, but she only perks her ears up, then continues to watch Kaden snore. Mirie tiptoes up to the bed and takes Nessa's leash. "Come!" She tugs, but Nessa whines and doesn't budge. She grabs the dog's collar and pulls hard, but Nessa scrambles around on the bed. Mirie lets the dog go suddenly, and Kaden stays asleep.

"Here." I step up and scoop Nessa into my arms sideway. Nessa scrambles around, running in the air and barking.

"Put her down," Mirie snaps, and I drop her dog right away, feeling like an idiot. But how was I supposed to know that it wouldn't be helpful to pick up the dog? Nessa's paws hit the floor and she immediately jumps back up on the bed, waking Kaden up. She paws at his arm and sniffles his face.

Kaden holds his arms out calmly. Nessa just sort of folds into his embrace. "Oh? Hello?" Kaden mumbles. "How did you get in here?"

"That's my fault," Mirie says.

Kaden finally notices us. "Mirna, you came over." He smiles.

"Sorry she woke you up."

"Ah, that's okay. I need to get up anyways," he says, but that's not true. He's only been sleeping for maybe half an hour. It sucks that Mirie's dog woke him up. Kaden slowly sits up. Nessa steps back and jumps down to the floor when he stands.

"Nessa, come," she says, but the dog ignores the command again. I thought she was a very obedient dog when we met her this morning, but she won't listen to Mirie at all now.

"Hi Nessa." Kaden kneels in front of her and runs his hands through her silky fur. "Man, she's a calm dog. Is she purebred?"

"Yeah. One hundred percent chocolate lab," Mirie says.

Kaden stands up and looks at me, then back at Mirie. "So what're you up to?"

"Nothing," I say, trying to keep my voice casual, because the last thing I want is to make Kaden wonder how long we've been hanging out while he was sleeping. He'd be seriously jealous.

Mirie tilts her head toward the door. "Should we go outside?"

Kaden shrugs and leads the way to the door. Nessa follows by Kaden's side. The dog seems to really like Kaden, which is kind of fun. Kaden has always wanted a dog, but our parents didn't want to ruin our nice house with a pet. So it's cute to see him winning over a dog so easily. It sucks that we could never have a dog like Nessa.