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Although Jisung slept well that night, the nightmares didn't go away.
It's already been a week since he gave birth to his daughter but he was aware that his mental health just got worse as time went by.
His nightmares were always based on either the day his parents kicked him out or the birth.
And his panic attacks just kept getting worse as well.
But the boy wasn't able to talk about it, he didn't want to worry the older and also he was sure that Minho wouldn't understand him anyway.
He felt like he was trapped in his own misery.
He felt like a burden to the older and he still wasn't really warming up to being a parent.
Yes, he'd feed Aera when she was hungry, he'd change her diaper when it was necessary and he'd put her to sleep when she was tired.
But he didn't do it with love like Minho would.
He did it without any emotion as if he was doing some house chores.
Deep in his heart he wanted to give the little baby all the love, he wanted to kiss her head when he held her, when she'd look at him with her big brown eyes full of sparkling innocence.
He wanted to sing to her, to peck her chubby cheeks and hold her tiny hands, he wanted to play with her adorable tiny feet.
But he couldn't.
It somehow felt like it was impossible for him.
If someone would have asked him how he felt, he'd have answered with one word.
Disconnected.
"Jisung?"
Minho frowned when he didn't find the younger in his room where he had expected him.
He had just closed his bakery for the day after selling his last breads and had actually been quite excited to spend the remaining afternoon with the boy.
After talking to Jisung for what felt like hours this morning, the older had been able to convince him to cook something together.
He had wanted to show him how to make some tasty chicken soup.
But the boy was nowhere to be found.
"Maybe he's in the garden, his jacket is missing"
Minho noticed before closing the door of the younger's room again and made his way downstairs, frowning when he found Aera's fluffy baby blanket on the couch.
But there was no trace of the baby as well.
He grabbed the cloth, already knowing that the little girl needed it in case she was outside with her papa, it was September after all and slowly getting chilly outside.
A sigh escaped him but nevertheless he smiled when he noticed the slightly opened door that led to the veranda.
Jisung was outside, just like he had guessed.
Aera's bassinet was also standing outside right beside the Hollywood swing like always when the boy would be in the garden.
Everything seemed like always.
Almost.
When Minho stepped outside, he didn't find Jisung on the Hollywood swing like he had expected.
He also wasn't anywhere in the garden.
And it was only when Aera started to whine when the ravenette looked at her, reached out to caress her cheek until he noticed the small note beside her kitty plushie.
The stuffie Jisung had gotten his daughter.
"What's this, hm? Did you draw a picture, huh?"
Minho chuckled when the little girl gurgled and stuck her tiny tongue out as she looked at him with her big eyes.
But he became quiet the moment he unfolded the small piece of paper.
Dear Minho, thank you for everything you've done for me.
For taking me in, for taking care of me, for helping me with Aera, for giving me a home. You can't imagine how thankful I am, I really am.
But I can't be a burden to you any longer, I can't live like this anymore. Please take care of Aera, I know that you'll love her more than I ever could.
I'm sorry for burdening you again with one of my problems but the least I can do for her is leaving this world after making sure that she's in good hands.
I'm so sorry Minho, please forgive me.
But I can't do this anymore.
Aera, please forgive me for failing as your parent. I'm horrible, I know and I'm sorry that I couldn't love you like I should.
