𝐅𝐢𝐱 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

« 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 »

✨

An hour ago 

Jisung breathed heavily,
his hands pressed on his ears
tightly to block out Aera's cries.

His head hurt so much.

Of course it was his fault that
she was crying in the first place
but he just couldn't stand up and
go calm her right now.

He had just wanted to read a bit
and accidentally fell asleep
resulting in him having another
horrible nightmare and another
panic attack.

But this time Minho hadn't
been there, he hadn't been able
to calm him and to hold him.

Blood was dripping down the
boy's forehead and got mixed
with his tears, he had hit his head
on his head on the floor but he
hadn't even noticed his
wound at first.

Only when the warm liquid
dirtied his pants, he gasped softly.

But the actual fact that he was
bleeding didn't reach his mind,
he was so far away with his thoughts.

His little daughter was still
crying loudly when he walked
over to her bassinet with shaky legs,
cleaning his hands roughly on his
pants before picking her up.

It really made the boy's heart ache
when she looked so sad, so upset.

And he was the one who
made this pure little human cry.

"Shh, I'm sorry.
It's okay, don't cry please"

he whispered with a hoarse voice,
rocking her softly in his arms but
she just kept crying.

She didn't calm down like she
always would the moment
Minho would pick her up.

She didn't react to his soothing voice,
to his attempt of comforting her.

And that made Jisung
realize something.

He wasn't a parent.

Had never been.

He was the one making his
child cry and couldn't even
calm her down now.

"I'm so sorry.
So sorry"

he whimpered,
the first tears rolling down his
own cheeks as he held her close,
the realization feeling like someone
was stabbing him with hundreds
of knives right in his heart.

It was hard to describe why it felt
like this when he always thought
his daughter didn't mean anything
to him but on the other side it
gave him reassurance.

Knowing that Aera didn't need him,
that she'd be much happier
without him, calmed him.

And he knew Minho would
take good care of her so the
last things that had kept him
from listening to those voices
in his head were now gone.

It'd be better this way for Aera,
Minho and Jisung.

"Forgive me,
I'm so sorry for being
such a horrible parent.
You deserve better than that,
I'm sorry I can't love you
like I'd want to.

I'm sorry for making you cry,
for not being able to calm you.
I'm sorry, I-I really am-"

The boy cried softly as he
hugged his daughter close,
tears streaming down his
face and dropping on the
fabric of her onesie.

"Forgive me for leaving you like
this but I promise you'll be fine.
I know you will, it'll be
better like this."

Jisung didn't even realize that
Aera had stopped crying as if she
was now listening to her papa,
only whimpering at each word
that left his mouth.

As if she wanted to tell him to stop,
to stay here.

To don't leave her,
because she needed him.

But the boy was already too
far gone with his thoughts,
placing his daughter back down
in her bassinet carefully.

He didn't notice how she reached
her tiny hand out after him,
a small cry escaping her.

That afternoon Jisung left
with a kiss on his daughter's head,
a note beside her little feet and
the wish to die numbing
his head and heart.

✨