Love My Way [Johnny Lawrence x Reader]

Chapter 41

Wednesday

Dear Journal,

I decided to listen to my guidance counselor since she essentially came at my whole life in her office yesterday. I hate this stupid thing, it's like something for prissy girls. Ali probably has a diary that looks just like this. Anyway the lady told me to write in here for a month, I'll give it a try but I doubt it'll do anything. What good does sitting on my hands and writing do? Well I cause if I was sitting on my hand I couldn't be writing, but still. With people like Barbara you have to take action. She's proven time and time again that she's the enemy therefore she deserves no mercy. So all that hoopla Miss Massanova was spewing about forfeiting doesn't apply to Barbara. In fact she's gotten off easy so many times.

When I found out she kissed Johnny I should've put her in the ground that moment, but I didn't, I gave her a warning. Then she spread rumors about me on multiple occasions, and I still didn't do anything about it. When I tried to do something that one time, her boyfriend came and hurt me before I even had a chance. Then of course I couldn't do anything after that whole thing in the alleyway, I'm basically disabled. Well I mean I did drown her a little but I didn't cause any lasting damage like how she did. I'll admit it journal, drowning her wasn't my best moment but she had it coming. I could've done more if Ali wasn't pestering me.

It's crazy to believe Ali was my first friend here. If I'm being honest journal, I kinda miss her, but too much has happened. How can you come back from this? She told people my business, she called me crazy, she slapped me, and on top of all that she let Barbara and that other person do whatever they wanted. She just stood there and watched, and for what. What could Barbara possibly have over her that could make her do such things, because the Ali I was friends with wouldn't have done anything like that. The Ali I knew was practically screaming at the top of her lungs when Johnny barely tripped Daniel, let alone actually beat him up. I'm sure she probably thought the same thing about me though.

The y/n she knows wouldn't have pushed someone's head underwater. Or be mean to someone when they're already down. If I was Ali I'd cry over a scholarship, hell that was one of the reasons I was so upset with Barbara, because she took away my chance to even try for the scholarship. If it wasn't for the guys I probably would've been on the ground crying like Ali because I didn't get a scholarship. Maybe I did change like everybody said. Am I the mean one? No I can't be. Right? Well now that I'm looking back on it I never even think twice about the mean stuff I say about people, it just flows right off the tongue. Like it's second nature. Oh my god. I am the mean one. I did change. But think about it from my point of view, every time I turn around there's someone out to get me. Counselor lady said I don't trust easily, how could I possibly trust anyone when so many people have shown me I can't trust them?

Whatever journal piss off. Trying to make me feel bad about myself and think about things. Screw Miss Massanova and her mind games. She knew this would happen. She's doing it on purpose, I know she is. She's probably getting a kick out of this. This is just some big elaborate scheme to get me to admit that everything is my fault. But why would she want that, you know? I mean she sounded very genuine in her office, maybe she does care. Oh what do I know? I'll be back tomorrow journal. I'll let you know if anything interesting happens. 

 - (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) y/n

I closed my journal and searched the house for a black marker. I needed to change the vibe of the notebook. If I was going to write in it for a whole month it at least has to look a little like something I'd like. I finally found a sharpie and colored all the hearts in and added a few skulls with flowers coming out of it. Now I'm no artist but I think it turned out really nice. I decided to take a bath and do my hair since I was home alone. I brought my radio in there with me and a couple candles. A few minutes passed and I sat with my eyes closed but I opened them when I heard someone fiddling with the door