Ruthless (Eric x OC) Divergent Fanfiction (COMPLETE)

Oblivion

I've never been the depressed kind.
I usually never cry in public or in front of other people.
I consider myself a strong person.
I've seen people break down from far less worse things.
I've seen people loose their will to live.

I've wondered so many times:
How do you keep going, when the worst things happened?

And to be honest, i have no idea.

I've dealt with pain my whole life and i learned how to live through it, how to survive.
I thought i had become immune to all the pain inflicted on me, but i guess i was wrong on that one.

You know, my theory is that you can let a person deal with just a certain amount of pain. And when they pass that border, they break.

I guess thats what happened to me.

I am Grace Annabelle Matthews.
I am a horrible friend, cold hearted,  a coward.
I am strong yet so weak at the same time.
I cant be loved because i dont know how it feels to be loved.
Im trying my best to help other people through their pain, when in reality i cant even help myself.

And worst of all?

I am divergent.
I am the definition of hell.

At one point i thought that being divergent doesnt define who you really are, doesnt make you dangerous, like my mother always thought.
And maybe its even true.
But not for me.

I am a killer.
I killed not only my mother,
I also killed my sweet, innocent sister.
I have blood on my hands, i cant seem to get off anymore.

"She killed her sister, after i was generous enough to bring her back to life."

"It really didnt have to be like this if you could have stopped playing hard to get, you know?"

"God damn, you're not just a moody bitch but also veeery stupid."

I knew i was not dead yet. But I've caught myself wishing, for the first time in my life, that i was.

                   

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Its been a while now since i had let myself be consumed by darkness.
I didnt really know what time it was nor what day, nor how long ive been lying like this. I didnt even know where i was.
I didnt hear anything up until recently.
I started hearing faint buzzing and also whispers.
I could feel someone touching my face sometimes and sometimes someone would grab my hand.
I was aware that people were trying to reach to me by talking to me, eventhough i couldnt make sense of any word they were saying.
If it wasnt for the incisive beeping of the heart monitor i would be thinking that i was a floating piece of materia,
bound by nothing anymore, free.

Instead i was stuck in an immobile body unable to hear, speak or even simply open my eyes.
Everytime i thought i would be able to break through this foggy nothingness that engulfed me, to actually feel my body or speak to the individuals that were constantly present to tell them that i was okay or to simply unterstand what they were saying, i would be pulled back into darkness and float in complete oblivion, yet again.

Like now.

I feel someone squeeze my hand. Some words were said.
I tried to break through the claws of nothingness that were holding me captive.
I wanted to take control over my body, to at least squeeze that hand back so they knew i was still here.
And just when i thought i could actually open my eyes again, i was pulled back down into eternal darkness.

Okay im not really proud of this chapter, but i needed it so i could properly continue with the story.
Its very short (and probably really shitty) sorry about that but next chapter is going to be a longer one, promise.
Please tell me what you think in the comments i really need to know,
And also thanks guys for reading my story, 4k!!!, that's so insane!!!
You're the best seriously!!

Love you,

-S