Best of both worlds

Part 10

warning: kinda sad chapter

I woke up a few days later in the infirmary, Nat was curled up on the bottom of my bed and Wanda was asleep on the chair. I didn't feel like sticking around so I went for a walk, all my wires had been removed so I assumed I was fine. 'Hey I'm assuming you know about me.' I approached a man in a white lab coat with glasses and a purple shirt. 'Yes, I'm Bruce. You don't need the IV anymore which is good. But you need to keep the dressings on and use the ointments and keep it clean and dry. You won't be able to eat solid foods yet so be careful with that. Other than that you're doing pretty good. Although if I were you I wouldn't be walking around you're still going to be exhausted.' I nodded. 'Thanks, I'm going to bed so I'll be fine.' He went back to his work so I left.

I climbed into my bed wanting to stay there forever. It hurt, I was scared, I was alone. But it was better than the stupid med baby or whatever. I decided to put some tv on in the background because I didn't like how quiet it was in my room. I heard footsteps by my door and whispering.

'I told you they'd be here.' That sounded like Wanda. 'I know. Y/n you okay?' Nat knocked on my door. 'Mhm I'm just... tired.' I mumbled hoping they'd believe me and leave me alone. Thankfully they did.

Time skip

You heard Natasha knocking on your door, for the millionth time in the past few days. You felt bad for Natasha, for what you were doing to her. "Y/N, please!" Natasha banged on your door again. "Come out, dorogoy please, I just want to know you're okay." She pleaded desperately, her shaky voice confirmed she was holding back tears.

She asked if you wanted to watch a movie with her and Wanda, she tried bringing you snacks and water, she tried every thing she could think of. Nothing. 'Please y/n open the door or I'll get Wanda. I promise I'll leave you alone when I know you're safe.'

With an exhausted sigh you got up out of bed, your head throbbing in exhaustion as your stomach cramped from hunger. You stumbled a little as you stood, resorting to leaning onto the wall for support.

You slowly crept to the door, your legs shaking with each step. Before unlocking it. When the door slid open you saw a teary eyed Natasha. She swallowed hard fighting away a sob as she looked you up and down trying not to make it obvious. "y/n", she whispered. You gave her a small nod and a smile. It annoyed you that she was so upset when you were the one in that situation. It's not like she cared, no one ever did.

'Wanda-' You shook your head. 'Just stop Natasha.' She stepped back at your bluntness. 'Stop what?' A sorry but confused look appeared on her face, she didn't mean to upset you.

'Trying to help. You can't just break something and offer to fix it then pretend like you're the hero and that everything's okay! It's not fucking okay!' You snapped. Nat couldn't stop the tear that rolled down. She hurt you, she didn't know how, but she did and that hurt her. 'Y/n whatever I did' you cut her off again. 'Whatever? Whatever you did?! You did this to me! This isn't 'whatever you did' it's worse and the fact that you can't admit you did anything hurts even more. You caused this whole thing, you and Wanda! So don't come in here and say her name, or threaten me with her.'

'Y/n we had nothing to do with this, we tried to find you i didn't sleep for days trying to find you.' Nat confessed wiping the tear from her cheek which was soon replaced with another. 'Oh no! Poor Nat didn't sleep. Someone call the news, black widow chose not to sleep she's such a hero.' You mocked. Nat sighed swallowing again. 'That's not what I meant and you know it.'

'Can you just go?' Y/n asked again, Nat shook her head. 'You're so annoying.' Y/n climbed back into bed pulling the duvet over their head. 'Well I wouldn't be if you weren't so stubborn.' Y/n laughed. 'Look who's talking.' Nat folded her arms. 'Exactly we're both too stubborn to let this go so we have to compromise.' Nat raised an eyebrow waiting for y/n to respond. 'How about i will leave if you you let Wanda look after you instead?' Y/n shook their head. 'She's more responsible for what happened than you.'

'Y/n, Wanda did nothing wrong this isn't as simple as you think.' Y/n threw the blanket off themselves. 'So she didn't tell you about what I am?' Nat stayed silent. 'That's what I thought.'   

'I made her tell me.' Nat said quickly. 'What did you do? Threaten her? Hurt her? Put a gun to her head?' Nat shook her head watching as you climbed out of bed. 'No you didn't. She had NO right to do that to me. It wasn't her secret it was mine!' Y/n burst into tears turning away so Nat couldn't see. 'If you wouldn't mind I can't take any more punishment so if you would stop and get out I would appreciate it.'

'Y/n no ones trying to punish you.' Y/n scoffed. 'Don't lie to me.' Nat raised an eyebrow. 'You're telling me it's a coincidence? the day you found out you gave me that alarm and then a hydra agent just happened to know I was there and I stupidly called you for help. Then they found me again.' Nat didn't even hesitate. 'You really think i would do that? what so i can waste my time trying to find you for what?' she bit her lip. 'Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? It hurt me so much y/n, knowing that I could've done more to protect you and i didn't.' She admitted a sob catching in her throat. 'Stop lying to me.'  Y/n mumbled.

'Will you shut up!' she yelled. 'You have no idea how horrible i felt.' her eyes grew darker as she became more defensive. She was ready for a fight, it's okay you were too.

"Of course I do. You haven't exactly been discreet about it, but I never asked for your pity! I never asked for any of this!' you shouted back watching as the hurt rushed to her face. She bit her cheek shaking her head as if to shake away any emotion or stray tears threatening to spill out. 'I didn't ask to put up with you bothering me all the time, pretending to give a shit. I didn't ask to be taken away and damaged and destroyed over and over again for other peoples pleasure. I didn't ask to be a freak! I didn't ask for you to help me and I don't want you too. so why don't you leave me alone?!'

"Y/N, please", she begged you to stop. She couldn't take the way you spoke about yourself, she wanted to make it go away but she knew that at that point she couldn't. Not if you wouldn't accept help. It hurt her to see your perception of her, as someone who didn't care, because that's who she was raised to be. She didn't want to be an emotionless monster who killed because they could. She wanted to help people... she wanted to help you.