𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘙𝘢𝘤𝘦 ; 𝘊𝘩𝘭𝘰𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦

chapter thirty nine

YOUR POV:

"You were at that party, wasted, drunk out of your mind living it up like a rockstar. You were supposed to be with me. You were supposed to be there holding my hand reassuring me and holding me while we went to check for a heartbeat that wasn't there."

"Y/n!" Megan shouted my name and I snapped out of my head.

"Mhm?" I hummed.

"You there?" Megan asked, giving me a look.

I nodded, "I'm here. Sorry I must have zoned out."

"Yeah for like ten minutes. That's gotta be a record." Travis joked, taking a sip of his coffee while the three of us sat outside eating.

"What are you writing?" Megan asked me while I kept scribbling on the napkin.

"Lyrics. They kinda just hit me.. Could be a chorus I guess. Oh the joys of writing music." I breathed.

"Can I see?" Megan asked.

I nodded and turned my napkin towards her, hoping that she could read my chicken scratch handwriting.

So fuck me like a Rockstar

Dancin' on a cop car

Nothin' in the world can stop me now

Fucked up like a Rockstar

Ridin' in a cop car

No one in the world can help me now

"Definitely thinking it's a chorus." Megan smiled, pushing the napkin towards me.

"What are you guys doing over there? Drawing each other's nudes or something? Let me see these lyrics." Travis grabbed the napkin, "Always so secretive."

Megan and I laughed while he read over the lyrics, agreeing it would be a cool chorus and told me if I needed any help that he would be there. I appreciated it a lot. Living with Megan and getting to have this lifestyle, felt good. It felt good in the sense that I found my calling, I found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and I'm glad it worked out for me. I'm still gonna work my ass off but I'm happy. And Megan.. I don't know. She was very attractive and that much was a given. But some part of her made me feel at peace differently than chloe. Chloe's puzzle pieces fit my own puzzle pieces, Megan's just fit differently.

My mind was all over the place. My heart was all over the place and I didn't really want to listen to either of them right now. The only feeling I had was to run away from it all. Bury myself into my music. Make music all the time, tour the world, go to parties and mingle, never emotionally invest long enough to have sex and do it till I died. That seemed logical.. Right?

I sighed lowly, not knowing how to even start talking about the way I was feeling. I wanted to blame it all on Megan. If Megan wasn't so fucking attractive and compassionate then I wouldnt be feeling things that felt wrong and yet so right to feel. And by feeling these things the guilt creeps in and I think about Chloe. Thinking of Chloe makes me angry and sad and then I just want to go and listen to that logic and run away.

My heart rate jumped and the kick made my chest jump. Every hair on the back of my neck was standing up and I was becoming increasingly aware of everything happening around me. I wanted out.

Megan looked at me, the words coming out of Travis mouth were becoming nothing but mush and for some reason I instantly thought it was the color blue. Fuck I want sensory overload to stop before I can't.

The actress gently ran her fingers down my arm, tracing the tattoos as she went. My eyes closed, the delicate touch of her acrylic nails ever so slightly digging into my skin was euphoria. Her nails went down my arm and grabbed my fingers within hers. Opening my palm she traced the length of each finger and I breathed in deeply, exhaling calmly.