When all dreams crumble

4. Why the life is so fucking unfair

Matei

October 1914

I have been at there now almost three months and seriously those have been the worst ever three months... I miss my home, I do miss my girlfriend, parents and little sister (oh my poor little sister how will she survive?). I think that Jana is doing well, surely her parents are helping her to live. I remember that they always took her to USA just because she loved that country so much. I think that she is with her parents or then some friends are with her. Live have not been normal almost six months but I am sure that Jana's parents will do something to get that bright smile to her faces again. They never give up...

There life is not good. All is messed up. He do have three commanders; Commander Asquith, Commander Haigh and Commander Jellicoe. They have shared us in different groups. Basically this mean that we do have our own area for each of group. Now we are at France and it's a hell way from home! We defend the coast front of France. At this time the prognosis is that we are coming home for Christmas 1915, but now one can't believe it. My mind is so dark because we have lost so many soldiers again. This doesn't looks so good for me. At now we are in trenches, it is starting to be so troublematic at here when all over around you there is lying those dead and wounded soldier bodies. We need to be carefully on every second because the enemy could attack minute by minute. It is not safe at be here!

Germany soldiers have tried to infiltrate with us, and they have managed a few times. That's why we have lost an over 100 men... I know that they are non-stop sending the new soldiers from home, but that is a waste of time when they are unable to fight and shot. We don't have time to exercise at here! This is true life, not something fucking movie or book! It's said on every tabloid that is better to die at here than at home because of bomb hitting to house. But I think differently... I would better like to die next to Jana than here at cold, alone million miles away. 

I know that I will not be walking out of here by my own legs. I will be carried by coffin (I they do find my body). But when that day comes I wish by my heart that Jana's parents will help her to get over my death and get rid from me. If I die I do wish that she is able to find someone lovely and caring like me. 

The Commander Asquith said that Commander Haigh send the flash for us... Unfortunately we did lost all soldiers that were at the Hidenburg's line. He told this to us and wished the luck for us.