When all dreams crumble

8. A quiet moment

Matei

June 1915

Today I have been almost 12 months at here... Almost a year without my girlfriend... Long away from her... Now is June 1915, we left England in July 1914. I could never believe that will be three months alive at here, now I have been 12 months alive and I do look like a skeleton, like terminally ill cancer patient [Just imagine Augustus from the end of tfios movie!] Many of us do look like skeletons because we hardly eat anymore. Just those soups when there are not anything else to eat. We have gotten new soldiers from England and America so food needs to be saved for them too. We have lost over three thousand soldiers now and looks like the hope is gone... We are gonna die, if not then might happen some miracle. Asquith has been thinking to give up for Germany because we have lost so many of us. Nothing can be done now... But we said that WE CAN'T GIVE UP... YOU SAID THAT BEFORE WE LEFT ENGLAND, EVEN IF EVERYTHING IS GONE WE CAN'T JUST GIVE UP!!! 

All of us are so ill, tired and angry, ready to die but we need to fight ourselves back to life. Our families and girlfriends are waiting at home. At morning we had that quiet moment for those soldiers who did not made it back to home. But we are not the only ones who are fighting, also the ones from home do have problems and difficulties, those families need to feed the other family although we oldest ones are at here. So they can be happy when we are going back to home, if we do... 

Why haven't Jana sent anything... got one letter from her couple months ago...

Dear Matei <3

How are you doing at there where ever are u at? I am quite okay although I did lost both of my parents then when the war started... god so much time has gone since that day, almost one whole year without you. But you must remember that I do love you so much, no matter where you are, no matter I you are death or alive, of course would be better I you are alive. 

Have you got new friends, I did hear that it is easy to find new friends at base or front line. By the way unfortunately I do not live in Newcastle anymore, Germans did bomb it so badly that we needed to be evacuated. I was transferred to Glasgow by base ambulance. Glasgow is some kind 200 miles away from Newcastle. 

Were you ill at Christmas? I heard Spanish flu from radio... At here we have lost over 600 civilians for the flu. I am so scared everytime when I do hear that someone of you have died. I am scared that the 'one' could be you. I have tried to ask from the commanders but they don't never answer to my letters. And yes I was ill at Christmas, had those symptoms form the flu. Lungs are not fully recovered yet but they will be by the time. As soon I will be back to normal, you will see when you came back to home. I did not give up so please stay alive for me... If you die I can't take it. And I don't want to kill myself.

It's actually so lovely to live at here. No bombings for long time... So you may have be so scary for the Germans, If yes please continue the good work.

will see you hopefully soon, Jana, your loving girlfriend.