When all dreams crumble

5. Are you still alive, do you still love me?

Jana

December 1914

I haven't heard anything from Matei for five moths. I don't even know where he is and if he still is alive. There haven't been any new radio transmissions since October!! Back at the the Commander Asquith announced that we had lost all of the soldiers from Hidenburg line... Back at then there were thousands of fallen soldiers... I can't take this dubiety anymore. Commanders promised to tell something always that the could. And during these two month anything from the front. This can't mean anything else that we have lost many others soldiers.

Now its then December, back to those days when world was still normal I used to love this month. Because always at the Christmas eve matei's and my parents used to make some lovely surprise for us... It might be a trip to somewhere (at once that was Amsterdam and the another year USA). At the last year we visited at america, but traveling isn't option anymore because both of our parents have dead, I am not sure about Matei's parents but I do think that also they died. I wish him the best ever Christmas, whenever he is.

At the last week I got back some things from old house, the most important thing was the letter from my mother. She had wrote it when they found out that the war was coming.

My dear daughter!

I wish that you are doing okay, although I am not there with you anymore... I just want to tell that I do love you for infinity and over it. Even if I would not be there with you doesn't mean that I don't care about you anymore. I am still so worried of you, I am afraid that this all is too much for you. O f course I am worried of you and thinking how you are doing, but you are my daughter so I do know that you will get over this.

I do remember that back then those moths you asked why me and your father we're arguing, I know that you guessed that everything was not okay anymore... I didn't tell about the war because I didn't want to worry you back then. I wished that when you read this you could understand that I only lied so I could protect you just one minute more from the horrors of the world... Your dad would want to see you to grow a lovely young woman but he needed go to the war...and so Matei... But I do think that you realized that. And now you may understand why he didn't said anything for you. He just wanted to spend his last moments at here with you, even although you didn't realize those were his last...

And who knows, maybe your dad comes back to home, all is possible although I personally don't believe that to happen. I could not want to write this letter, but I do have that feeling that I wont have so much time anymore... I do miss your father so much and I think that as soon I may see him again... I will hide this letter in the middle of all other important things. There does hear some weird noises at outside, don't know I you do notice them. But I think that that fireball is going to get here just ----- (blood stains at the paper...) 

A/N

A different kind of chapter at this time little more sadder one. So much tfios feelings :'-(