When all dreams crumble

12. I wish I could've been there to support you

Matei

March 1916

Why there are so loud voices coming to around me?? It's like I would be a place full of persons? Is it impossible that heaven is that loudly and painful place... When I am trying to open mu eyes all I do see is a pitch black like the night sky without the stars. But the thing is white instead of black so AM I BLIND!!! WHY CAN'T I SEE NORMALLY??... I am not able to feel my another leg, is it amputated? I do feel myself so unsafe when I can't see anything But I have realized one thing, I AM NOT DEAD and I might have gotten away from the front line by some way. But I am not worried from myself... I am worried from Jana... Oh shit I still haven't sent the last letter for her, It is a in pocket of my uniform jacket, probably I am wearing some kind of hospital clothes now, so where is my war uniform??

after two days...

I am feeling now little bit better... but they have not removed that eye bandage yet. Doctors have said that I will make a full recovery during two months... Today I asked if doctor could contact to my girlfriend who lives at Glasgow? When I told that her name is Jana Bites, the Doctor (got to know that his name is John) said that the last name of Jana's sound so familiar. John asked some identification things from Jana, like her hair and eye color , I said that she does have an bright red hair and hazelnut eyes. John said that he needs to get someone. 

At the next minute I heard that someone opened the door and stepped inside of room. John asked 'Jana Bites, red hair and hazelnut eyes right?' and although I was unable to see his faces I think that he smiled while said that... The person who came probably walked next to my bed, i think that because I heard that persons quietly careful footsteps. But when that person bend closer to me I said with a loudly voice 'This whoever she is, is not my girlfriend...I know it because my Jana's hair doesn't smell like a blood and death rotten men'. Didn't care although she started to cry after those things I said. I heard that John spoke to her after couple of quiet minutes 'Miss Bites I am so sorry, though that... ---' He was unable to continue that sentence when the young woman shouted loudly 'Oh I do apologize, not your fault... I just realized that it was an horrible mistake to fell love with so selfish boy!!! At first I am waiting him to get bacto home for almost two fucking years and when I finally do see him again, he can't even identify me !!! And yes not a miracle that my hair do smell like dead bodies and blood if I do threat those persons at the hospital!!!' After that the girl run out of the room crying.  ---...that's really the boy you have tried to find'. John ended his earlier sentence. 

I just realized how stupid I was...She was my girlfriend but I just let her go... Why I am always so stupid!!?? It's the fault of this fucking eye bandage, without it I would've known her.