When all dreams crumble

9. There is hope as long as people

Jana

September 1915

As soon is a winter again. And yesterday I got a letter from Matei and I was happy...

For my beautiful girl!

Hello, long time no see. I am so sorry but I haven't wrote back for so long time... You may be thinking that what the hell is so important at those war games. But I do want you to know that if I could make a choice between staying at here of coming home you know which one would I choose. But I can't. Wish I could...Glad to hear that you are okay, well I am too if forget the fact that all around me are those rotten death soldiers... 

They said that this war may end soon, I am so happy that maybe soon I am able be with you again. So you would be better to star think our future, where are we going to live, how many kids do you want. Where do you to keep our weddings...maybe america I do remember that you love that country. And don't be confused why I don't write so much from our personal things, 'cause everyone is staring at next to me. Really those mates are like my brothers but there is still some things that they don't need to know. Some of them have asked if you are even real one, because I don't have a photo of you. 

But hey we can speak more then when I am at home again. You will be sure that I survive from this war alive then I will never leave you again. See was that romantic enough? The one of soldiers was laughing when read the last sentence :-) 

But dear Jana I need to warn you. I may or may not be the similar that I was before I left. You know that this life is hectic and everything could happen. So I may not have half of my other leg or I may lose few finger. My mental health could be ruined, I may became violent because of these traumatic thing I see at here. I could have PTSD and flashbacks from battlefield. I may look the same but at the same time I could be the completely different. I don't want to scare you, I just want to prepare you that you won't be in chock when you do see me the next time. 

But dear you, in that case that something happens for me and you would never be able to see me alive you need to remember that I will always remember you, I will always love you. I will remember your beautiful smile. When I am gonna die, the last thing I do remember will be the good memories and your beautiful smile. 

I am so sorry that this letter become so depressed but when you are a long time at here your thoughts do change. 

So for the next time then

- Yours Matei