"Winter, that's enough! You've been drinking for three hours straight!" Ryujin tried to pull the bottle of beer out of Winter's clasp but the girl yanked her hand away
"One more!" She yelled after chugging the whole thing
Ryujin messed her hair in annoyance, "Tell me your problem, why are you suddenly acting like this?"
Winter glanced at her with lazy eyes, "Problem? The problem is infront of you! I am the fucking problem, Ryujin."
Ningning held her temple, she pulled Ryujin away from the girl.
"Hey, come on. What happened, Win?" She calmly questioned
Winter stared at her, on the verge of breaking down.
"I fucked up.. so bad." Her voice cracked
Ningning sat beside her as she chug a bottle as well
"Tell me everything, I won't judge you." Ningning held her hand tightly while giving her a reassuring smile
Ryujin sat down on the other side quietly.
"Lia broke up with me," She started
Faint sobs could be heard as they all remained silent. Winter buried her face on her arms.
"I fucked up. I really did." She wiped her tears
She started pulling her hair out of frustration while her puffy eyes are deeply staring at the city lights beneath them
"Yeji told me something and I realized how fucking dumb I am to blame Karina for something she doesn't have a control over." Winter wiped her tears by the hem of her long sleeve
"I'm so tired, guys. But if I look back it really isn't me who suffered the most.. it was Karina."
Just by the mention of the older female's name Winter wanted to cry. She felt bad. She was so selfish.
"Then there's Lia who deserves every good thing in this world, a literal princess, she's so kind and understanding and I was an ass to talk about my ex while she was taking care of me while I'm drunk. I should probably die, after this." She declared, solemnly.
Ningning tightened her grip on Winter's hand.
"You were hurt, you were just thinking about yourself and auntie. It's not your fault things went this way, you didn't want this to happen" She reprimanded
Ryujin agreed, "I'm sure if you could turn back the time you would do anything to avoid this from happening."
"That was the point." Winter stated, "I had all the time I needed yet I still fucked up because I can't make up my mind!"
Ningning breathed deeply, "Now that we're here, what do you truly feel Winter?"
Winter stared at her, "I honestly don't know. I caused them too much pain and trauma."
Ryujin held her other hand, "Let's get this over with Win, what did you feel with Lia?"
The girl think deeply, "She was so warm, she made me comfortable and she was so understanding. She was the best, I feel happy when I'm with her. But there's always something missing, I just don't know what it is."
Ryujin nodded her head slowly, "And what did you felt when you were with Karina?"
Winter opened her mouth then closes it again.
"I feel euphoric whenever I'm with her, there were times where we can have our own personal time for a day without holding a grudge, we can stay silent for hours and be comfortable with that. There were times where she'd look at me and I can already feel the butterflies camping in my stomach. Her presence is enough for me to get through the whole day. And, I've never felt that for anyone but her that's why I feel guilty about Lia." Her eyes fell on the ground
Ryujin and Ningning made eye contact
"I think your answer was pretty obvious already," Ryujin chuckled
Winter's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Huh?"
"It's Karina." Ningning replied
"You never stopped loving her, not in the very least." Ryujin added
Winter blinked plenty of times. "No, guys you don't understan—"
"Shut it, Winter. Stop denying your feelings for fucks sake, this is why we can't get to nowhere!" Ryujin messed her hair in annoyance
"Yes, it's still her! But she deserves better and I am not deserving eventhough I wanted to, I can't face her after all the things I've done!" Winter buried her face on her own palm
"I think what you needed most is to forgive yourself, Win." Ryujin patted her back for comfort
The door of their unit abruptly opened and Ryujin stood up to greet Yuna who just got home.
"Winter, I know you're feeling horrible right now. I honestly think the three of you needed to rest, not only physically. These past few days are a lot to take in, although I am not there to witness everything I know it's draining the three of you. You are all scarred in the heart," Ningning whisperedly said as she caressed the other female's hand
Winter glanced at her and gave her a small smile
"I haven't even started courting Karina yet, and I've already given up. I'm such a coward." She replied
"You were planning to court me?"
Winter frozed on her seat, the dizziness she was feeling magically fades away. She leisurely turned around and was greeted by Karina who had her hands inside her pocket while pouting
"Didn't I told you to ask me that question when you're sober? Why did you drink again? Now I have to wait until tomorrow," She sat beside Winter who still hasn't processed what's happening
"I must have chugged a lot of beer to be seeing a gorgeous lady here," She muttered under her breath
Karina scoffed, "You're so annoying."
Winter stared at her, "And you're so beautiful."
"Did you cry?"
"Is it too obvious?"
"Yes, what was the reason?"
"You."
"Why me?"
"Because you don't deserve to be treated like shit,"
"Is that so?"
"Yes, therefore I don't deserve you."
"Don't say that."
"It's true though,"
"It's not, because if I have to pick someone who'll hurt me everyday I would choose you."
Winter pursed her lips, her tears are on ther verge of falling.
"God! Why are you like this?" She cried
Karina smiled genuinely, "I'm such a masochist, aren't I?"
Winter laughed while crying, with her trembling hands she reached for Karina's and kneeled infront of her
"Winter, stand up!"
She stubbornly shakes her head.
She kissed Karina's knuckles while staring deeply into her eyes.
"Karina, I am truly sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. I am an asshole, I will not ask you to forgive me but please give me another chance to prove myself. I've done things I regretted and I am not deserving of your love but... I will try to be. I want to, and I will be."
Karina's vision blurred because of her own tears. Words couldn't describe how happy she feels right now.
Winter, the girl she loves, came back to her. She was so desperate but she's glad she didn't beg for her love this time, and honestly she wanted to slap her self if this is even real.
"Please allow me to court you Karina, let's start over, I promise to death that I will be better, I will never ever hurt you again." Winter wholeheartedly said
It was so sincere and every word she spat were the truth.
'You deserve someone better, so I will be better to deserve you.'
YOU ARE READING
Miss Pessimistic | winrina/jiminjeong
Fanfiction"Please, just this once... tell me you love me." Deep down we both knew it would only lead to pain... but we still got carried away. We risked everything even ourselves, it was getting destructive. Right then, I knew what we had to do, and that is t...
