Nilla: Confession to Friends

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It had been a few days since I had seen Jace and I started to feel as if he were a dream or that maybe I didn't matter to him as much as he let on. I went back to that spot every morning and stayed until sunset hoping to see him again. The thought of him seducing me and then running off to do who knows what with who knows who filled me with a rage I'd never felt before.

I got dressed angry, brushed my teeth angry, and ripped a comb through my hair angry which really hurt. I studied my features in the mirror. I never really thought of myself as attractive or anything. Some people like Asian features and others like African American ones. I have both.

The mirror showed the shape of my mother's eyes in my father's amber color, my mother's cheekbones and hair—though my father's genes influenced the thickness and slight curl. I also had my father's wide-set nose, and full lips, not to mention my perpetual deep tan because of him. Both of my parents often argued over whose temper I inherited.

I studied myself wondering what Jace saw in me the other day. Why would he want to get to know me? Maybe I was just looking too much into his initial hello, or perhaps he was just a polite and friendly person and my own lack of a love life led me to believe something more was there.

Halo bounced up to me in her usual spacey way with that crazy happy smile on her face.

"Nee-loo! How have you been?" she said. "I haven't seen you all summer"

"Hey, Hee-loo. I've been fine. We've only been back a few weeks. We went to visit Grandpa Takenowa in Kyoto."

"Oh yeah, just hanging out in another country, la-de-da. We do it all the time," she said sarcastically. "It's so not fair. You've been to Japan more times than I've been to the beach, and that's just down the street."

I just laughed. Despite what some people may have thought, I was very much aware of my privilege.

"I swear your dad should just shell out a massively mammoth amount of money on a giant mansion. Then, while he and your mom sail around the world or something, you and I can throw unsupervised parties."

"You know darn well that my dad is super frugal. And I like our house. It's a nice, normal size."

"Super frugal? Sounds like the name of a supervillain."

I laughed.

"We have algebra together," said Halo. "Steven and Allison broke into the school's computer last week when you didn't call me back. Honestly, why do you even have a cell phone if you're not near it every second of the day?"

I ignored her question. "How are the twins?"

"If you had kept in contact with me then you would know, wouldn't you?"

I let out a sigh. "I do apologize for not calling you, texting you, or sending you an email. Happy now?"

Halo smirked. "Maybe. You have something else for me?"

I thought a moment. "How about a tidbit of information about me from this summer? Will that quell your anger?"

Halo jumped up and down a few times. "Oh yes, yes! Do tell...wait a minute." She stopped her playful jumping. "Did you say 'quell?' Really? 'Quell.' What normal teenager uses that word?"

"What normal teenager asks what normal teenagers do or don't do? Do you want the information or not?"

"Well of course I do. Dish! Lest my fury shan't be quelled."

I rolled her eyes but proceeded to tell her anyway.

"Well, this didn't happen over the summer, per se but just a couple of days ago." I took in a deep breath of hesitation before I could say the words. "I met this guy."

"You met a guy!" Her eyes sparkled in anticipation.

"Well, I suppose you could say 'met.'" I used the finger quotes. "He followed me from the docks and then just emerged and gawked at me. Then he told me he wanted to be my friend."

"Boyfriend?" She started getting squeaky.

"Just a friend." I tried to play it off like it was no big deal.

"What does he look like? Is he cute?"

"I suppose you could say that he's attractive in that dark sort of way."

"Who's attractive in that dark sort of way?" Allison asked. She emerged from around the corner and passed us by. "If you girls don't hurry you'll be late for your first class."

As she spoke, the first bell rang. She smirked at us as she entered the room next to the row of lockers on her side of the hall.

"We'll take this up later," said Halo as she gripped my arm pulling me down the hall. She thrust me into a classroom. "And don't even think I'll forget." She called as she continued down the hall.

I had no clue what class I was in. The teacher stood behind his desk and looked at me.

"Are you in this English Literature class?" he asked.

"English?" I looked at her schedule. Of course my nosy friends knew everything I was supposed to be doing, both a blessing and a curse. "Y-yes sir, I am."

"Well then have a seat, young lady. Anywhere will do."

I picked the desk in the second row, the second column from the door.

I pulled out a notebook as other students filed in clamoring about what they had done over the summer break and the classes they're taking this year. I was off in my own little world and didn't notice the person who decided to sit next to me.

"Hello."

I heard the soft, commanding voice and knew in an instant who it was. I didn't turn to look at him to confirm my suspicions. I didn't need to, and looking into his eyes at this close proximity would just turn me to mush.

"Hey, Jace." I tried to sound nonchalant.

"Please look at me, Nilla."

I refused. "What are you doing here?"

"I felt a deep pain in my heart at being away from you. I hope you do not mind my being here."

I turned to look at him. He had changed a bit. He had gotten a more modern haircut and clothes resembling more of the "bad boy" type. It didn't suit him. I didn't believe there was anything bad about his personality at all. He was very handsome, of course, more so than I remembered when we met. His eyes glistened as I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat or two.

I took in a jagged breath. "You never tried to contact me."

His face saddened. "I apologize for that. I had to go home for a while and speak with my family about some things. I did not intend to stay away for so long."

"Where is your family? Don't they own a phone or anything?"

He smirked. "That is a very complicated story that needs no explanation at this time."

How is a story about a phone complicated?

"Well, I can be pretty complicated too you know."

He smiled. "Yes, of that I am absolutely sure."

She looked deeply into his eyes. They were absolutely mesmerizing and held her captive in their dark glory.

"Eyes front, class. Pay attention."

Mr. Pretchet, made his presence known breaking me from Jace's enticing gaze. It actually pained me not to be able to look at him, like there was a rip in my heart that demanded him. It was as if he were digging into my soul and planting a seed of change inside. The whole experience left me disoriented and just a little scared. Was this what real love was supposed to feel like? Whatever it was, I liked it.  

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