One String Attached

3.

.Riley.

Emily and I met up at least once every month to have our usual chats. There were days where she would sometimes come over to ours to spend some time with her niece and nephew and there were other times when the entirety of the past A-Troupes would meet up and it would mean getting to spend time with her too, but it was the rare occasions where the two of us set a date on the calendar to meet and talk like the sisters we've always been.
Besides, sometimes I don't even need to have a problem to talk to her or seek her guidance.

I just needed some time away from being a mother and a wife for a few minutes and I was thankful that James understood that. I sometimes let him go out with the boys when he's stressed or needs a break so it's the exact same when it comes to me.

"So how have you been, Ri?" Emily asks, taking a sip of her coffee as she spoke. I smile as best I could, putting together an answer in my brain whilst fiddling with my fingers. I tilt my head to the side slightly, that being an answer in itself which my sister instantly catches onto and sighs. "What's up? Trouble in paradise?"

"No, but you wouldn't really understand, Em. You're not a mother," I tell her softly.
Though my comment would have left a light bruise a couple of months ago back when she and Hunter were together, it didn't anymore and she just sighs.
She and Hunter broke up quite some time ago after claiming the two of them were both heading in different directions. I knew they were looking to have a child but the idea sort of left their minds the moment they got so driven by their careers.

"Try me," she says teasingly, putting her mug back down on the table. Biting my lower lip, I shake my head and sigh.
"Sometimes I just wake up almost in a paralysis," I tell her, gaining her attention as she raises an eyebrow. 

I already could tell she wasn't going to understand what I was on about but maybe talking to her would make me feel better.
"Not as in immobilised but I mean psychologically. My thoughts start travelling like a whirlwind and I start asking myself questions and doubting myself, like how am I even a mother? How did I manage to produce such beautiful babies? Why is James with me? Does he even love me?" I say, going through the list of things which had been clouding my mind all week.

"What are you talking about, Ri?" she ponders, only making me sigh to myself. I knew she wouldn't understand. I doubt anyone would understand except for myself, which is the exact reason I had refused to let James in on my thought process. If Em couldn't understand me then why would he?
"I just can't seem to stop it, Emily. I love Aaliyah, Asher and James with everything I've got. But sometimes I just wonder if they love me? If I'm even worth it?"

"Of course you're worth it. Do you really think James would have stuck around if you weren't worth it?" she asks me, making me swallow as I bite my lip and take in her words.
She had a point, but there were also days where I couldn't help but feel like he was only in it because of the children, not me.
"Look, is this really about you and James or is it about someone else?" she asks me, causing me to bite my lip much more harshly. I had a feeling that question would come about soon, I just wish it wouldn't have. 

She takes my silence as an answer and then reaches her hands over to hold mine.
"Riley, Bryson may be Aaliyah's father but that doesn't make him her dad, okay. James is Aaliyah's dad. He's the one who's been there for her from when she was teething to when she started walking to when she said her first word, then had her first sleepover, and so on. You need to stop thinking about Bryson, okay."
"But that's the thing, Emily," I tell her, looking around me before taking my phone out from my pocket. She keeps her eyes on me as I delve for the one detail I was looking for before turning my phone around to show her the message I had received earlier on today.

Bryson: Can we talk? Meet at the Diner?

She remains silent for a lot longer than five seconds, but I wasn't sure if it was because she was still reading the text or trying to absorb the information.
"Emily," I whisper-yell to her, waiting to hear what she had to say. However, her eyes dart away from my phone and upwards, causing me to frown before turning around. I glance around the area before coming across the one person I really did not expect to see so soon.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath.
His eyes land on mine and then he nods his head before making his way over to the counter to order something before he would make his way over towards us.

- - -

.James.

"Daddy, where's Mummy?" Aaliyah whines, dancing around in continuous circles as we strolled down the path in the park. Asher had the pleasure of sitting in the pushchair while it spat with light drops of rain and I sighed, keeping my eyes on my daughter to make sure she wouldn't do something stupid to hurt herself.
"I'm calling her now, lovey," I whisper, making her groan as I click onto Ri's contact on my phone.

However, she immediately declines it which makes me furrow my eyebrows until I hear her voice.
"I'm here," she says. I turn around to face her to find that her cheeks were flushed red, her hands were shaking slightly and her eyes were almost watery. Either that could be the rain or knowing Riley, something had happened.
She walks over to me and kisses my cheek, making me smile for a moment before she bends down to pick Aaliyah up and hold her on her side.

"Are you okay? Where's Em?" I ask her, but she just bites her lip as she shakes her head.
"She headed to the studio to get some paperwork done. I was with her for a bit which is why I took pretty long to get here," she tells me. I chew the inside of my cheek as I nod my head, watching her carefully.
She smiles at me softly, almost overdoing it before she distracts herself by looking towards Liyah.

"Why don't we stop for a drink? You want a hot chocolate, sweetie?" she asks her, to which our girl nods vigorously.
"With sprinkles and whipped cream!" she says, her eyes lighting up which makes Riley chuckle before facing me again and then I watch as her smile drops by the slightest.

Something was off there. I knew it.