One String Attached

95.

.James.

"I need to talk to you," Riley says when she enters the kitchen where I remained sat.
It was almost midnight and I was about to head to my old bedroom upstairs to get some sleep but it was clear she had other plans for us. 

The children were all asleep already. Asher and Aaliyah were sharing a bed with Mum since Dad was working a night shift tonight but Autumn lay in her cradle, fast asleep.
I doubt Mum had actually fallen asleep yet. I'm sure she was talking her grandchildren's ears off until they eventually drifted off. 

I look at my wife when she slides herself down onto the seat opposite me after closing the door shut. I could tell from the look on her face that this wasn't her idea. She wasn't ready to talk about this at all but we both knew we had to sooner rather than later.
If it wasn't for Piper, we would both be sleeping in the same bed with our backs turned to each other and the only thing filling the air would be our light breaths. Nothing else. 

I could see how much agony I had put her through just by looking at her. Her hair covered just the surface of the side of her head and I watched her play around with her thumbs and fingers above the table.
I wanted more than anything to reach out and hold them but I knew I couldn't. We had only just passed the talking stage. 

"I need you to look me in the eye," she begins to say, making sure our pupils were fixed on one another's. "And I need you to tell me exactly what you remember from that night. Where were you? When was it? What time? When did you see her and when did you decide to... do whatever you did with her." She trails off, rolling her eyes as if she didn't care but I knew that was the thing she cared about the most. 

She wanted to know how far I went with Whitney because of how intimate it was.
Riley only ever trusted me when it came to things like sex, especially after everything that happened with Bryson. If I had sex with Whitney, it would break her completely. She would never trust me again, the same way she can't trust Bryson one bit anymore. 

"Just tell me everything, James. If you want a future with me, I need you to be honest."
Of course I want a future with her. She's the only one I see myself having a future with, whether that be tomorrow morning, next month or a decade down the line. 

My foot taps against the metal of the stool and I knew she could hear it, but the same way I don't hold her hands, she doesn't tangle her legs together with mine to stop it.
So we both continue to shake. We both continue to stress. We both continue to fear the worst. 

"I had sex with her," I mumble.
She opens her lips and a small gasp escapes her lips, almost like I had dug a knife into her chest, but I quickly retract it before she started to bleed. 

"It's not what you think. It wasn't that type of sex, Ri. I promise. I don't remember much but I know for a fact it wasn't the sort you're thinking. We did some things, but it wasn't like that."
I had no idea if I was making any sense to her but I continue talking anyway because she was right. If I wanted any chance of a future with her, I had to start explaining the honest truth. 

"I was drunk," I whisper. "Whitney wasn't. At least, I don't think she was. I wasn't in charge of it all. She was. She dominated, Ri. I stopped it all when she was about to take it a step too far. She made a comment about you and asked if I've ever wanted to have sex better than the type I have with you and when she said that, it was like I woke up.
"I stopped it all and I came straight back home that night. You were already asleep but you weren't in bed. You were on the couch with Asher and Aaliyah curled by your side. You were heavily pregnant with Autumn at the time. I think you had been watching a movie with the kids or something, I'm not sure. I was a mess and I couldn't drive so I had to call Nathan to pick me up. He was the one who dropped me home."