One String Attached

98.

.Riley.

It was weird being here without James. 

I'd be lying if I was to say I didn't miss having his arms around me or witnessing his overprotective side as he kissed my neck or cheek every few seconds.
I was longing for the time where he would spontaneously drag me along with him when a sudden urge of attractive physically touch would take over him and he would press me up against the wall in a corner and we would make out like the teenagers we used to be. The young adults we once were who knew nothing about anything. 

But of course none of that happens. Not the make out, not the kissing, not even the waist touches.
He wasn't here and I hadn't received so much as a single text from him. 

I wanted nothing more than to just forget about him, at least for the night, but when you've been married to a guy for as long as five years, it becomes increasingly difficult to do that.
I was going paranoid, checking my phone every few minutes just to see if he had sent a text to check if I'm okay. 

But of course he wouldn't. I told him not to and I made sure he knew to leave me alone before I left the house this evening. 

I know we've left things on a bad note but it's out of the best interests of myself. I can't just bounce back to being what we once were, no matter how much this break of ours is messing with my head.

I can't even tell how much the term 'break' coincides with our situation considering we were talking to each other less than an hour ago when he confessed his love to me yet again and it ended in me crying out to him - yet again.
It's like an endless cycle of love and then heartbreak and I know I can't keep going on like this if I want to keep any dignity in me at all. 

"Ri, babe, you've been looking at your phone the entire time we've been out," Grace says, snatching my phone from me.
She looked amazing in her red silk dress which was slanted just above her thighs. I knew if Nathan was here right now he would be more than a little jealous of all the men around us who were constantly gawping at her but just like James, he wasn't here. It was just us two girls. 

She was holding two glasses of rosé wines in her hands and she offers me one but I shake my head. "Pass," I mumble. 

I wasn't looking into drinking because it felt almost weird to get back into consuming alcohol.
Becoming a mother had changed my stance on everything and alcohol was one of those things.

She rolls her eyes but remains standing when she looks down at my phone and then she frowns, sighing after she had taken a look at the contact my thumb had been lingering over for the past sixty minutes, fighting the urge to shoot him a text saying to pick me up. 

I didn't want to be here any more than he wanted me to. I wanted to be home with my babies. I wanted to cuddle them and tell them everything was okay. I wanted to fix things with James and get past this bridge.
But for once I was putting my head before my heart and my head was saying no. 

"Will you at least dance with me? Just one dance?" she asks, making me roll my eyes as I looked up at her.

Grace was like a sister to me. She would be since we had both fallen for one of the two brothers. Most of the time she would find a way to get through to me and convince me to do whatever she wanted me to do. But tonight wasn't one of those times.

"I can't. I'm supposed to be on bedrest, remember?"
My words came out with a slight bark to my tone but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of this. I didn't mean to sound cruel or harsh and I definitely didn't mean to be as austere to my husband as I had been lately.
It just seemed to be the way my mood had been set during all of this.