One String Attached

51.

.Riley.

At the hospital, I sat on the bed beside James who rested by my side, his arm wrapped around me while trying to convince me to relax - except relaxing was the last thing on my mind.
Autumn was in the incubator, a feeding tube had been put through her nose and throat as well and her tiny body was covered in the beige-coloured teddy bear baby-grow I had bought a couple of days ago - one that read the words 'I love my mummy' in a brown, outlined cursive font.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen in the next coming days but all I cared about now was the fact she was alive and here with us - that was the main thing.

Sighing, I roll over slightly so that I lay sideways against James's body as he had slid himself beneath the sheets so that our bodies were that close together. Placing my hands on his chest, I bite my lip lightly and then bury my head by his neck. He sends me a soft, empathetic smile as he looks down at me, using the hand he had wrapped around my body to rub my back, soothing me carefully and calming me down.

"Em's on her way now," I whisper to him, making him nod his head.
"Piper and Finn are at home with Liyah and Ash," he responds, causing me to sigh at the sound of their names. I was still trying to get over what had been said by my daughter earlier on and how she claimed that neither one of us loved her.
That was a line that severely broke my heart and I was trying to act like it hadn't affected me as much but deep down, I knew it had. I'm pretty sure James was able to tell as well.

"Ri, babe," James says, gaining my attention as I hum in response and look up at him, feeling his hands draw patterns over my spine. His eyes search my own before he sighs, shaking his head at me.
"Do you trust me?" he asks softly, licking his lip as the two of us hesitate. I let out a small exhale, knowing why he would have just asked me that.

"Of course I trust you, James . . . But having a two-month early premature baby doesn't really come down to trust now, does it?" I say back to him with the same lowered tone of voice while he continued his gentle mannerisms over my back. 

"Okay, but I need you to believe me when I tell you that everything will be okay in the end," he says, only causing me to shake my head at him again.
I get that he was trying to stop me from stressing, panicking and worrying, but when you're a mother that's just not how it works. There's not a single day where you go without worrying. There's always the fearful thought of the unknown haunting you, even when you've got  a smile on your face when you're around other people.
I don't know a single mother who doesn't worry day-in, day-out.

"Exactly," I whisper to him, taking his hands in mine and holding them. "That's in the end. But what about now? What about in the middle? What about two or four or ten weeks down the line?"
"Riley," he whispers back to cut me off but I don't let him.

"Our baby girl over there is in danger," I say, giving his hands a soft squeeze whilst nodding my head in the direction of the incubator she had been placed in. "And not just because of the fact she's been born prematurely."
I stop and give him the look: eyes narrowed and stern whilst I bit my lip. The look I always gave him when I refused to say the name of Aaliyah's father and once James acknowledges who and what I was talking about, he sighs.

"Look, why don't you stay here and I'll go and get us both some water and a snack or something? You've not eaten all day," he says, making me roll my eyes as I look down at my fiddling fingers.
"I'm not hungry," I mumble.

"You need to at least drink something though. Didn't the nurses say there wasn't enough fluids around your body or something?" he questions.
Knowing he was right, I just remain silent and look down, not wanting to argue with him right now. He takes in my discreet answer before getting up off the bed. "I'll be back in a minute," he tells me, then reaches down to place a gentle kiss on my lips before leaving entirely.

. . .

I stood by the incubator, my daughter's hand lightly curled around my forefinger as I rested my hand on top of the white blanket she was laying on.
She was so tiny, unlike I'd first expected and she was still fast asleep. She hadn't made a single noise since I gave birth to her but at least she was breathing now after the doctors were quick to oxygenate her.

She had blinked one or two times but she couldn't quite open her eyes to the fullest. When she did blink though, I looked at the colour of her round, beautiful pupils - a mixed colour of her parents'.
Where James's were chocolate and mine were hazelnut, Autumn's were a moderate chestnut.

It feels like only yesterday when I first found out I was pregnant with her and now here she was: laying down in front of me, wires going into and out of her body, connecting to all kinds of things for her to fight for her life. If it wasn't for Thalia, Autumn might not even be alive right now.

After just another silent moment of reflecting to myself, there's a soft movement as I feel the pressure of her hand around my finger when she gives it a light squeeze. My heart melts right there on the spot and I sigh, smiling softly down at her.
"Hey, baby," I coo gently, delicately curving my finger over so that it became linked with her pinkie.

The fact I couldn't hold her in my arms, close to my chest, cradling and cuddling her, kissing the top of her light head multiple times in this given moment made me ache, but I knew I had to stay strong for all of us: Asher and Aaliyah included.

"Baby number three already, huh?" a voice says from the door just then. I look up just as they close it shut and I swallow the moment I see who it was. "I mean, I always thought you were quite the good fuck, Riley, but this?"
"Shut up, Bryson," I tell him sternly, keeping my finger connected with Autumn's. "Don't you think you've messed with my life enough as it is already? You shouldn't even be here so just go unless you want me to call the cops."

"What good would that do?" he scoffs. I watch him, remaining stood by my baby's side as he takes several steps closer towards me - each one more daunting the closer he gets. "You know that deep down they know everything about you, Riley," he says, his snarky voice making me shiver. "They know about your psychological problems," he spits. 

"I don't have psychological problems," I mumble, but I watch out of the corner of my eye as he approaches me.
His body was so close to mine that he could very well have done anything to me right now. My eyes are met with his creepy smile as he moves his hand to my arm, placing it there lightly, causing me to shudder at the touch.

"They know all about you. Your smoking. Your temper tantrums. Your anxiety. Your panic attacks. Your stress levels. The fact you never wanted Aaliyah to begin with and you were going to abort her-"
"That has nothing to do with anything," I spit back at him, the moment the moment he brings up my daughter, but he just sneers.
"We all know you love Asher more than Aaliyah, Riley. Merely because I'm the poor girl's father. If it wasn't for James, she wouldn't even be here and you know it-"

"I love that girl more than anything," I snap. "And there is no way in hell I'm going to allow you to take over her life. You can try all you want but it won't work. You've not exactly got the cleanest of slates yourself, not with the countless girls you've slept with around town."

"Oh, if only you knew, Ri," he says back snippily, the smirk on his face strengthening. I look up at him as he moves his hand to my hip instead, tracing shapes over my side which instantly causes me to swat him away.
He chuckles at the movement and then pulls out his phone, leaving me confused as I raise an eyebrow at him.

"You wanna know what your husband's really been up to?" he sneers, making me gulp before he turns his phone around and shows me a picture.

One of James and another woman kissing . . .

One that makes my heart begin to beat rapidly, goose-bumps to appear on my skin and my stomach do somersaults.

"You're lying," I seethe, glaring at him. "That photo's fake."

"Oh, I wish it was," he tells me, causing my whole body to start shaking at the thought.