One String Attached

38.

.James.

"Okay, I'll let her know," I tell my sister-in-law as I spoke to her over the phone two days later. 
"Is she okay though?"
"Yeah, she'll be okay. Don't worry about it. We'll talk soon, okay?" 
"Alright. Let me know if anything happens," she sighs, to which I agree that I would before ending the call. 

Arlene, the doctor and a few police officers had all discussed the entire situation the other day and thought it would be a good idea for both Aaliyah and Asher to stay with Emily for a couple of days before taking any steps further. 

It seemed as though everything that was happening at the moment was occurring one after the other. We were taking things one step at a time, but I'm not sure how much that was helping. I hadn't seen Riley so on-edge ever since she was pregnant with Aaliyah, but even then it was never this bad.
The house hadn't been this silent in so long that I'd forgotten how it felt. If this was any other time, it might have felt nice for Ri and I to finally spend some time of relaxation alone together without the shrills of excitement from the kids. But now it was a completely different story and this was the last thing I think either one of us wanted.

I make my way upstairs to where Riley was in the bedroom. She had been up there ever since yesterday afternoon and hadn't moved an inch. I can't even recall her eating breakfast this morning. She had hardly spoken to me at all since we had to leave the kids with her sister and I was beginning to get worried. I hadn't felt this kind of feeling in what seems like forever, but now it's as if the dread had never left.

I knew she was hurting and that this whole situation was having a major impact on her, just as it was with me, but I wanted her to be able to talk to me - before it was too late and the old version of herself took over.
During the length of our relationship, I had lost Riley a number of times. I didn't want the same thing to happen all over again when we've been through enough as it is.

Without knocking, I slowly open the door of our bedroom before entering the room, only to find her huddled on the bed, her legs under the duvet with her laptop over the top of her thighs.
Papers and files were spread out all over the bed but the lemon drink and sandwich I had made for her this afternoon was still set out on the bedside drawer, just as it had been when I came in and checked almost an hour ago.

She doesn't even acknowledge the fact I had entered the room. She just carries on typing, her fingers frantic against the letters on the keyboard.
Her eyes were red and almost swollen, bags beneath her lids as she blinked every so often. I knew for a fact she hadn't slept entirely well lately and just that thought alone was enough to panic me.

Licking my lower lip, I chew down on it before closing the door shut behind me after I had fully entered the room, then I start to make my way over to her. I couldn't lose her now. Not yet. Not like this and not when I've already lost Aaliyah. I need Ri and I need her to stay with me because I'm suffering from this almost as much as she is.

Sitting myself down on the edge of the bed, her eyes continue to remain sealed and focused on the screen in front of her. I clear my throat and then sigh, unsure of how to get through to her. The only way to gain her attention was through physical contact, so I move my hand to rest above hers. I stare at her softly, waiting for her attention to shift from the work in front of her to me.

After only a short while, it does. Then I'm able to take in the real view of her face: the stress, the exhaustion, the fear.

Not uttering a single word, I just sigh before reaching forward, wrapping my arms tight around her and holding her head against my chest. After only a short while, she leans in too and holds me just as tight, her hands gripping my sweater while I try my best to soothe her, rubbing her back up and down. I kiss her on the top of her head multiple times, knowing it wasn't much but I was trying.
She cries, her weeps and bellows expanding the hole deep inside my heart while her teas soak up my shirt, but at least she knew I was there and that I wouldn't be going anywhere.