CHAPTER ONE

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CHAPTER ONE

BRYLE'S POV

After the recognition back in the first year, I told Kristine and everyone that I'll go to the States because my dad told me so, but it was all a lie. I only went far from the university, far from everyone, far from pain.

I never want to be that far from her, but I have to save myself somehow. I want to stop hurting. I want to forget the pain.

And I'll only be able to do those if I move far away from her. Away from everything that would remind me of her.

Kaya naman pinili kong bisitahin na lang ang lola't lola ko sa probinsya. I even offered assistance to them, and asked my parents to let me transfer school.

Everything was fine, really. It was painful at first but bearable. Hindi ko naman kasi siya nakikita, hindi ko naririnig ang pangalan niya, at mas lalong wala akong kakilalang kilala rin siya.

Everything was fine. It was. But not until she came and mentioned her name yesterday. Someone I do not know came just to talk me back to pain. And now, I have to deal with it all over again.

Hindi na naman ako makatulog kaiisip kung ano ang pwedeng nangyayari sana kung pinili lang ako ni Kristine. Iniisip ko yung sana masaya kami ngayon, sana pareho kaming nakangiti, even sharing a laugh or two as we piss each other off again and again but would never break. We might even be reading tons of Dan Brown books because we both love his stories, maybe even exchanging thoughts about it.

There are a lot of what-ifs, maybes, and thoughts that I had to go through all over again just because someone mentioned her.

Napabuga na lang ako ng hangin nang tuluyan ko nang tinanggap na hindi na ako makakatulog pa muna ulit.

I left the bed and went outside my room. Inisip ko na lang na pumunta muna sa labas at maglakad-lakad sa gilid ng dagat.

Just when I wanted to breathe the fresh sea breeze and let the dark calming atmosphere surround me, I saw a woman's figure sitting on the shore, facing the sea.

Hindi ko na sana siya papansinin kaya lang ay narinig ko ang boses niya. She was singing as if she longs for someone she can never have.

Hindi ko na maisip

Kung sa'n pa pupunta

Naglalaro sa isip

Kung kaya ko pa ba

Ang lahat-lahat ng nais ko

Hindi ko pa makuha

Ang lahat-lahat ng aking gusto

Di pwede kasi kan'ya

Kung kaya lang

Isang hiling

Isang araw lang naman

Kung pwede lang

Aking bituin

Mahulog ka sa akin

Her voice was soft and sweet and yet, the way she sang... it was like she was in pain.

I wanted to hear her more but then she stopped and turned her head in my direction. "Ay kabayo!" she exclaimed.

Pareho kaming nagulat pero siya lang ang maingay na sumigaw. So much for the peaceful atmosphere. Napailing na lang ako saka muli siyang tingnan. As I stared at her more, I started to recognize her, though she was no longer wearing a face mask. I can finally see her whole face. "The lady yesterday?" She had a snub nose and a heavy lower lip. She looked a little pale though.

She squinted her eyes. The only thing that makes me see her face is the moonlight. "Oh. Bryle Juarez." There goes her bored yet sarcastic tone again. What happened to the sweet yet in pain one?

I thought she was gonna stand and walk toward me but she did the opposite. She just looked at me and then went back to looking at the sea.

I thought she liked me. I could no longer stop myself from getting intrigued with this woman so I did what I thought was the solution to help me ease my mind. I walked towards her and sat beside her.

Tiningnan ko lang din ang dagat habang pinapakiramdaman siya. She didn't move away but she didn't talk. Ano ba talagang gusto ng babaeng ito?

Ilang saglit pa kaming natahimik. Parehong nakaupo lang at parehong nakatingin sa madilim na dagat at langit.

Hindi ko naman maintindihan ang sarili ko ngayon. Kanina lang ay gusto ko ng tahimik at kapayapaan, nang makita ko ang babae ay akala kong magugulo iyon at ayoko na sanang tumuloy, pero itinuloy ko naman at ngayon eh parang nagrereklamo pa akong nananahimik siya.

"What's your name again?" I no longer reigned my silence.

I thought she wasn't going to reply because of the short silence but she did. "Does it even matter?"

I stilled for a second but recovered fast. "If I want to know you better, well, yes," I honestly said, even though I don't know the reason why I'm doing this.

She shook her head and bitterly chuckled. "Well, I don't want you to know me better," she said with a hint of mockery. "Just stay the same, and let me do what I have always done. To like you from afar," she whispered her last sentence but I heard it clearly.

Medyo naguluhan naman ako. "If you wanted to do that, then why approach me in the first place? You already made your existence known to me."

She breathed out and stared intently at the moon. "Because I saw how my sun's light began to dim. How my sun no longer shines as brightly as he did before." She then faced me with a sad smile on her lips. "Gusto ko ulit makitang lumiwanag ang araw kong ilang taon ko nang ginugusto." Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa dagat. "But I don't think I'll be the one who can do that."

Her words were deep, and her tone was so sad as if... "Liking me was such a painful thing."

Finally, the lady faced me with a smile on her face, a genuine one. "Nah, liking you was a great thing. It made me honestly happy and entertained. I had fun liking you from afar. It's just that..." Her emotion turned sad as she looked away. "Seeing you get hurt by someone you like or love... kinda hurts me too. It makes me fear falling for anyone. So I'm fine admiring you like how I admire the sun. Far and less painful."

I didn't know what to say so I just kept silent and spent time watching the sunrise with her, wishing everything would be better for everyone.

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