CHAPTER NINETEEN

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CHAPTER NINETEEN

BRYLE'S POV

Bucket list: Do a 365 jar and give it to someone.

Three more days to go and it's going to be Christmas already. I was even a bit surprised since I never knew that time would fly this fast.

I entered her house with two pieces of cellophane in each of my hands. "Nabili mo na?" Randle asked without looking at me.

I nodded my head and placed them on the center table. "Three glass jars just like you wanted." Those words automatically stole her attention and stopped cutting pieces of colored paper.

"Gimme. Gimme." She even clapped her hands as she reached for the plastics. "Oh! Pretty!" Her eyes even sparkled with adoration as she held the jars with caution. "Okay, alis na! I'll handle it from here. Thank you!"

I flatly looked at her. "Seriously? Saan naman ako?"

Randle shrugged as she continued cutting colored papers. "Ewan. You can go back to your grandparents or so."

Umupo naman ako sa lapag, katapat niya na ako ngayon. I put my elbows above the center table and settled my chin on my hands. "You won't miss me?" I even showed a puppy face.

As usual, Randle glared at me, making me chuckle. "Nope. Lumayas ka na. Sinabi nang hindi mo pwedeng makita 'to eh."

"But you'll only have a few days before Christmas, you know? You can't possibly do three 365 jars within two days," I pointed out, hoping she'll let me spend more time with her.

Napabuga naman siya ng malalim na hininga saka napatitig sa mga colored paper na nasa lamesa. "You're right." Mabilis niyang inabot sa akin ang gunting na gamit-gamit niya kanina lang pati ang mga papel. "There, there. Cut them for me, hmm? Then ako naman ay magsusulat na, magtitiklop saka ilalagay sa jar."

Napangiti naman ako saka sinunod siya. I did tell her that I'll help her complete her bucket list, and that does not end with buying her materials. While I was cutting the papers, Randle even explained which colors are which. Like blue is for her messages for us, pink is for the song lyrics dedicated to us, and yellow is for the memories we spent together that were very memorable to her.

We spent our day and night for her 365 jars. Nagpa-deliver na lang din kami ng lunch at dinner dahil pareho kaming abala sa mga ginagawa namin. And as expected, I finished my task erlier than her, so I ended up watching her while I eat fries. Sinusubuan ko rin naman siya ng fries at pinapainom ng Royal through straw, and it actually felt warm doing those. It felt like... home.

"Hindi ka pa ba nagpapagod kasusulat?" I reached for her hand when she let go of her pen and lightly massaged it. "You can continue that tomorrow."

"Mmm-hmm. I know naman. I just kinda enjoyed doing them." Her lips formed into a genuine smile as she stared at the full jar and the almost half-full one. "And yes, nakakapagod." Randle chuckled. "But I know they'll be worth it." She then looked at me. "I know they'll make my loved ones happy."

Bahagya naman akong natigilan sa uri ng tingin niya sa akin. I felt a little nervous as I stare back at her.

"The three jars and for my mom, for Leah, and for you. And once I'm gone, I want you to give these to them, hmm?" Using her other hand, she reached for mine and squeezed it a little. "Ikaw lang ang mapagkakatiwalaan kong magbigay nito sa kanila."

I don't get it. She obviously cherishes her mom and her best friend — She obviously cherishes me, and yet, she wants to give up living. Na para bang ayos na sa kaniyang mawala sa mundo without considering the fact that she'll leave us — that we'll get hurt with her decision.

"Please, Bryle?"

"No." I let go of her hand. "I want you to give it to us. You'll give them yourself because you won't be gone. You won't leave us — You won't leave... me."

She looked shocked by my sudden outburst. Well, so was I! "Bryle..."

I held her hands again, and this time, I looked pleading once again. "Please... consider the treatment. It may not fully cure you but it will give you a long time to live with us... with me."

Para naman siyang nasasaktan sa nangyayari. "As much as I enjoy spending time with you, I've already made up my mind, Bryle. I'm already done fighting what's supposed to happen." She softly caressed my cheek and smiled even though she was already hurting. "I want to spend my life with you if that's what you want to know. I honestly loved the days, weeks, and months that I was with you... but that's it, Bryle. Unfortunately, I can't spend a year with you."

"You can, but you chose not to," I mumbled. I was even taken aback when I felt tears running down my face. "You can spend a year, or maybe even years with me, but you're choosing to remain satisfied with months." I cupped her face as if she was the most vulnerable I have ever held. "I want to spend more time with you, Randle. Please... I don't want to lose you. Please."

Her smile widened as she let her tears fall from her shining eyes. "You... didn't know how much I wanted to get your attention." She chuckled a little. "I only settled from afar because I know I won't have a chance. You were in love with someone else — someone who would be with you for a very long time compared to me, and I don't want to take that away from you. You deserve happiness, Bryle... and that's not me—"

"No—"

"—so I don't want to be selfish and keep you with me when I know you'll only get hurt at the end."

"We've talked about this—"

"I won't accept the treatment and I'm not doing anything to save my life any longer—"

"Randle, please—"

"—so I want you to save yourself, hmm?" She caressed both of my cheeks using her thumbs. "For the second and hopefully the last time, I want you to leave and forget me." Randle kissed my forehead as we both sobbed harder. "You're right. I do cherish you, and this is me showing how much I treasure you, cariño. Leave me and I promise you I won't get mad at you. I like you too much"

With a heavy heart and tears almost all over my face, I quickly stood up and left her place. 

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