A Little Ghost Help

~20~

Hey friends!!! It's been a while! It's the middle of the month and things have been crazy for me for the last few months. This upcoming week is gonna be crazier so I figured, screw life. I'm posting a chapter. Sooooo tadaaaaa!

Warnings: Self Hatred, sharp stabby thingies, lack of will to live, y'all know the drill by now.

Enjoy!

Patton
My feet slapped the pavement as I forced myself to go against the pain. One step, two step, red step, blue step. My breath huffed out and my side ached. I should work out more. Maybe I can start doing that in the summer. Well… Once I can. But no, I’m not thinking about that. I just need to run. I need to get out of the house. I need to go. I glanced down at my arm before forcing myself to look up again. No, I’m not going to distract myself by the handprint that still burned. I should be better, go faster, I should be better, go faster. Tears stung my eyes as I remember the rage in my father and his yelling. I should be better, go faster. I should be better. Go faster. I skimmed the sidewalks, running who knows where. I don’t know where I’m going. I no longer care. I remember slipping out of my father’s grip and him yelling after me as I bolted out the door. I should be better. Go faster. My father’s screams of rage filled my ears and I stumbled and tripped, crying out. No, no, no, no! Get up, keep going, ignore it. You deserve this. Keep going. Go faster.

I shakily got to my feet and looked around. I was at the Davis house. I’ll be safe here. I’ll be safe. I wiped my eyes and walked up the porch then cracked the door open. “Janus..?” No response. I walked in, my footsteps echoing in the large empty house. I glanced around and went over to the couch, looking in for the mice. “Thomas? Joan? Valerie? Sir Squiggles the Brave and Sacajawea?” I waited a few moments in silence. “... Maybe they’re asleep…” I murmur before moving over to the kitchen. “Janus? Jaaanus?” Still, silence greeted me. I glanced around the room before pausing when looking at a drawer. It’s like… Like it called me. I don’t know why it’s so familiar. I glanced around the room one more time before sliding the drawer open. Inside was a large steak knife. I paused, looking at it carefully before lifting it out. 

How easy would it be if I just ended it? My parents wouldn’t be a problem… I held it up to the light and saw a Patton looking back at me. Only… This Patton looked happier. He didn’t have dark circles under his eyes or a sadness resting behind his glasses. His face showed pure joy and peace. What if… What if I became a ghost like Janus? I could join him without having to go through the pains of life. Then I could be with my friends for the rest of their lives and.. It will be sad to see them go, but I’ll still have one friend with me. I could be this happier Patton. I could be this happy.

I slowly raise the knife to my chest before feeling a warmth cover me. I pause and look around. Janus’s head rested on my shoulder and they muttered, “Please don’t…” 

Their voice ached and they sounded like their very soul was in pain. I slowly put the knife down and accepted the hug. How could I do something like that when it hurts those I love so much? I… I can’t.

~~~~~

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked. It was a dream? ...Of course it was. Of course. I have to get out of this bed. I looked at my hands that have shrunk dramatically. They’re no longer as swollen. Yayyyy. They almost look normal besides the black under my fingernails. I moved my hand and hissed in a sharp breath. Okay so they still hurt to be moved, but it’s more manageable. I clenched my eyes and moved my fingers one at a time. Okay, nope, NOPE, bad idea..ow. I bit my tongue hard. Okay bad idea. I glanced around again. Where’s Janus? I looked at the clock. 6:01 pm. Huh.. Where could they be? Erm- no Patton, they have their own house. They’re not always going to be here. It’s not their job. They have their own life- … Maybe life is the wrong word to use there. But they have their own stuff going on. They shouldn’t always be here. They’ve been so nice to you, but you shouldn’t make them feel like they need to look after you. Don’t be a burden. Oh jeez.. Them spending so much time with me probably annoyed them. I mean, they could be doing literally anything else. They feel like they have to babysit me. I.. I’m glad they’re gone. They should be spending time for themself. Not me. I’ll do fine on my own. I’m probably just annoying them anyway.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. Them… Them being gone is a good thing. Now they don’t have to worry about me and my annoying problems. I was probably just annoying them. I should give them space.. I should back off. I clenched my jaw. They're probably tired of me. I mean, who can blame him? I probably annoy my other friends too. I know I annoy my parents. Ugh. Why am I like this?

937 Words
Sorry for the shorter chapter. I kept trying to think of how to make it longer, but adding to it just didn't feel right. It had to have the proper vibes, ya know? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the snip bit of Patton's life! Sorry again for being the lazy sloth that I am. Things have been crazy with mental stuff, school (I'm a junior meaning I've been panicking over the ACT and colleges all year, whoooooo), family, musical stuff, ya know. The norm. I hope you all have a fantabulous day/night/whatever time it is in your crazy dimension it is there. Take care of yourselves and remember that though I may not know you, I care about all of you and your mental states. (I'm kind of writing this to help people with similar mental states soooo...)

Oh!!! Also, I redrew the cover!!! I was pretty proud of it so... I hope you guys like it!!

Janus is a smol bebe... like... smol. A lot of people would mistake the smol child for a bebe. Because... well they are. With a fancy hat.... playing dress up... hehehe.

But yeah. Take it easy sisters, brothers, and non binary others. Love ya!

💖 Maybay4