Spy Out Of Water

Chapter 18

Norman and I didn't really speak on Sunday. I spent the day working out and reading and he spent the day in the tech room. 

On Monday, I was getting ready to head to class when there was a knock on the door. 

"Finny-bear, can I come in?" Norman peeked his head in. 

"Yeah," I went to sit on my bed, patting the spot next to me as an invitation. 

"I don't really think you're unfeeling, Fin," Norman grabbed my hand.

"You should. You didn't say anything that wasn't true," I smiled to show I was okay. 

"Yes I did. You aren't unfeeling. You just know how to hide it better than the rest of us. And the fact that you're willing to put your own happiness aside for the safety of some stranger, and so that Toby doesn't get hurt shows you care just as much as the rest of us, probably more," Norman told me. 

How did he know all of that? "Did Jax tell you?" I was gonna kill that motherfu-

"Nobody had to tell me," Norman interrupts my train of thought. "I read your file. I read what happened to your parents. You think that if you allow yourself to feel feelings for Toby, real feelings, and act on them, then you guys are also going to end up like your parents."

"I'm not going to let him die because of me," I told him. 

"News flash, Finley! You guys are spies! One of the most dangerous, if not most dangerous professions ever know to exist. Er, not exist. Every time you go on a mission you risk death. These aren't good guys you're going after. So if anything happens to you or Toby, it's not going to be because you acted on your feelings or didn't. If anything, that connection is only going to make you better because you are going to do everything in your power to make it back to him, and you're going to do everything in your power to protect him," Norman was on his feet now, pacing the room. 

"I am," I argued weakly. 

"If you truly believe that, then you are not as smart as I thought. Do you really think if you don't give in that Toby is going to be safe? Maybe instead of having a kick ass partner that actually cares whether he lives or dies, he's going to get some rookie who just wants to prove themselves and leads them straight into some suicide mission! Is that what you want?"

Norman's words were like a splash of cold water to the face. Who better to have Toby's back in the field than me? I know I certainly wouldn't trust anyone else with my life. 

"Did you even read your parent's file?" Norman asked. 

I shook my head. "I don't need to read it. I lived it."

"When you were an infant. All you know is whatever Mr. Howley told you happened. That your dad went MIA and your mom went after him because she loved him and she went MIA too. That's not even close to the real story."

"So what actually happened?" I needed to know. Had I been believing a lie all these years. 

Norman told me the story, taking occasional breaks to give me time to process. "You can read the full report, but long story short, your mother was having an affair with Agent Adams who was your father's partner on the team. They were on a mission to infiltrate the underground black market in Russia. Your father really did go MIA, along with Adams. And your mother did go after them to try to find them, but not because of your father. It's all in the letter she left in the file. She mentioned in the letter that your father had found out about the affair and that your mother was planning on leaving with Adams. He found out right before he and Adams were supposed to deploy, but by that time it was too late to back out. They sent your father out with a man he didn't trust, and they sent a woman who didn't care for him to find him."

"Why did Uncle Gray lie to me?" I felt my vision starting to get blurry. 

"He probably wanted you to only remember your parents as good. Nobody wants to view their parents as anything other than perfect. He did it because he cares about you. But that's not the point. The point is, your warped sense of love and sacrifice or whatever is going on in that brain of yours is hurting your own chance as having someone who truly truly cares about you. Love and caring about someone didn't get your parents killed. The lack of both of those things did."

Then Norman unexpectedly slapped me. "So get over it!"

"Ow," I rubbed my cheek. 

"I'm not sorry," he just shrugged. 

I sighed, processing everything he told me. "You're a really good friend. And I do mean that, even though you just slapped me," I pulled him down next to me. 

"So are you," he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing. "I just wish you'd see yourself the way the rest of us do. You're just have a hard shell...like a pistachio."

I gave Norman a 'what the hell' look. He just laughed. 

"So..." Norman trailed off. "Toby?"

"Oh god," I put my face in my hands. "I messed that up so badly. I don't even know what to do."

"Just give him time. He knows you're messed up, so it's not like he wasn't expecting you to not go insane."

"Thanks," I deadpanned. "Jax said the same thing. The time part, not the other stuff you said."

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked him. Are you ready for school?"

"Yeah. Especially now that I don't have to see Toby flirting with Leila all the time."

"You know, I'm gonna miss that. I was about to start carrying around popcorn in case it broke out in a bitch fight!" Norman pulled me up. 

We walked over to the weapons room so I could stock up for the day. "What about you?" Asked. "You gonna be okay around Wesley?"

"Me? I'm completely fine. He was there, I tried it. It wasn't bad, but not the best I've had, if you know what I mean."

"I do not," I told him, strapping a throwing knife under my arm. 

"I just hope he can keep his hands off of me. I am known for being irresistible," Norman pins his broach camera to his shirt. 

"Sure," I laughed, heading downstairs to leave. 

"What? I am!" Norman joined in laughing as we headed off to the car. 

When we arrived at school, I kept an eye out for Toby and Jax. I spotted their car but the boys weren't anymore in sight. 

An ear piercing shriek caught my attention across the parking lot. Toby seemed to be in a conversation with Leila and she was not taking it well. 

Norman and I were too far away to hear what she was saying  but Toby seemed calm while Leila unscrewed the cap of her water bottle, poured the contents on his head, and stomped away. 

"Are you okay?" I walked up to a dripping wet Toby. 

"Fine," is all he said, his face indifferent, before stalking away towards the building. 

"Give him time, Fin," Norman reminded me. Right. Time. 

This was going to be a long week.