The Price of Forgetting

Chapter 13

The next several days were very relaxing. The property was huge and I was allowed to wander pretty much wherever I wanted. I could also be as busy as I liked. It wasn't usual here for anyone but the servants to do cooking or other chores, but Cecily told the staff to let me help if I asked or to teach me things if I wanted to learn. So I was able to feel useful too. And since no one was dependent on my efforts, there wasn't any pressure attached other than what I put on myself. Based on how easily I picked it up and how much I enjoyed it, I assumed I'd done a fair amount of cooking before.

I really enjoyed staying with the Grahams too. Cecily was sweet and motherly without being too involved. Lily was nice to talk to and she was always willing to tell me things or take me places. And I understood right away why I'd been drawn to Richard when I was little. He had a very comforting, safe manor. He reminded me nothing of Papa. He was even quite a bit older, but he was just so fatherly. I'm not sure too many other people saw it. Everyone outside of his family seemed to be a little afraid of him. Even Lily's brothers - who were grown men, and some were married with families - were always very respectful in his presence. But he clearly had a soft spot for the women in his life, and at the moment, that included me.

Lily's brothers seemed nice too, but as I'd only seen them when they came for dinner a few times, I hadn't talked to them much. I wasn't even sure I could tell them apart. There were so many of them, and they all looked alike.

None of my memories emerged or seemed likely to do so any time too soon, but I was feeling better. Even Matthew, who still hated the arrangement, admitted that it was a good thing after a couple of visits.

Much to Matthew's annoyance, Doctor Collins didn't let him come every day, and when he was allowed, it was only for a few hours. I didn't really like the separation, but after realizing how much I depended on him, I knew it was probably beneficial for more than just being free of the stress I felt to live up to his idea of who I was. I needed to figure out what I enjoyed without being told. I needed to test my limits, like the doctor said, without him. He'd been better about rushing in and doing things I didn't need help with and reminding me of things I already knew, but it was far too easy to ask him for help when I was a little uncertain. Now that he wasn't constantly with me, I was trying different things and pushing myself. I was walking farther and longer, and actually feeling a sense of accomplishment for doing so. I could get pretty sore, but it was nice to feel more competent. I was even contemplating getting up on Firethorn. I wasn't quite ready, and I'd have to get Doctor Collins' approval first, but it seemed less scary than it had before. Besides, I felt bad for my horse. She was always so happy to see me. Supposedly I rode her all the time before, and I knew she was confused about why I hadn't done it in so long.

"I'm sorry, girl," I said, scratching her ear. "It's not your fault. I'm just not ready yet."

She snorted and pushed her nose in my other hand, searching for food.

"Alright." I laughed and went to grab a handful from the bin by the door. "Here you go." I held the food out for her and she happily gobbled it up.

"Ah, so that's where this one came from."

The voice startled me and I turned to find a tall man with dark blonde hair, standing in the doorway. He was one of Lily's brothers, but I didn't know which one. He walked over and patted Firethorn's head.

"She's yours, I assume?" he asked, looking down at me.

I nodded. "Her name's Firethorn."

"Huh," he grunted noncommittally.

Thinking he must be wondering at the strange name, I said, "it's a-"

"Flower. I know."

"You do?" No one else seemed to.