The Price of Forgetting

Chapter 32

Over the next few weeks, I felt as though I was coming back to life. Nothing was magically easier - with the exception of my worries concerning Matthew of course - I still had nightmares, and I didn't think I'd ever forget what had happened to me. Ironically. But it became easier to get out of my room and out of my head, and live. I took advantage of the Graham's property, but I also stopped using it as a hiding place. Like I told Edward, rumors and malicious people were trivial concerns. The people I cared about knew the truth, and that was enough for me. So we resumed taking trips to various interesting places in the kingdom without fearing I'd be recognized.

A large part of my progress was all because of Matthew. He was a constant reminder that my life was far from over and that I had a wonderful future to look forward to. Having that assurance that he'd always be there and that he would always love me, despite limitations or hardships or anything else that could possibly happen, made it possible for me to start to feel at peace. I could sit with him for hours in companionable silence and just allow my mind to rest.

Unfortunately, with the colder weather settling in, our time outside was limited, and we generally had to keep moving to avoid getting too cold.

"It's a shame it's too cold to take a boat out now," I said as we walked along the pond.

Matthew's grunt sounded like agreement. "But it's still pretty from here."

"Oh, I know," I said. "But actually being on the water would be the perfect place."

"Perfect for what?" he wondered.

"For you to give me the ring." I smirked up at him.

He laughed but didn't disagree.

"Of course it's not my first choice. But since we're here, it makes a nice second choice.... If you were planning to do it any time soon, I mean," I said nonchalantly.

He watched me, amused. "And where is your first choice?"

"At our castle, of course," I said, wondering why that wouldn't be his first thought. It would be beautiful with the sun hitting the little waterfalls. I could stand at the top and he could scale the walls to reach me like a knight in a fairy tale. I giggled internally at the silly but still incredibly romantic mental picture.

"What?"

"Our castle," I repeated. "At our special place. Of course, you'll have to make sure there aren't any snakes," I joked. "But it would be fitting, considering-"

"Ella." Matthew was watching me so strangely. Solemn, but kind of confused.

"What?"

"I didn't..." He shook his head and smiled a little. "I never told you about our special place. I purposely didn't tell you so I could bring you there to experience it for the first time all over again." His smile grew. "I haven't said a word about it."

It took me a second to realize what he was saying. When I did, my eyes widened and my mouth fell open with a gasp. I began searching my mind for all those moments that had become such a mystery to me. They were all there.

I remembered being with Matthew at our special place. Not just months ago - years ago. I remembered him first bringing me there and I remembered my disastrous second trip on my own when I found the tunnel and the knife that Matthew still had. I remembered our first kiss and when he said he loved me as more than just a friend. I remembered always knowing I loved him. It was something that went back as far as five or six years old. A completely normal age for people's memories to begin.

I remembered my parents and growing up in our home. I remembered Danny as a baby and Papa always bringing me little presents when he was gone on long trips. I remembered him giving me Firethorn and picking out her name. I remembered all those little figurines Matthew brought me over the years and all the family dinners at Grandmother's house. I remembered using Jesse to try to make Matthew jealous in an attempt to move him along, and I remembered it backfiring. I remembered my jealousy when Matthew was spending more time here with Lily and Evie than with me.