The Price of Forgetting

Chapter 28

Over the following days, I used the house as a sanctuary. Part of it was that I didn't want to see anyone. It stung to know that the people I'd considered friends could so easily turn their backs on me. Or in Jonas' case, set out to actually hurt me. But it was hardly a punishment to stay confined to the Grahams' home. The property was enormous and all I really wanted to do was spend time with Lily and Matthew anyway.

Maybe I was truly coming to terms with everything, because I was honestly beginning to feel at peace with my life now. There were still plenty of moments where I'd mourn some lost aspect, but overall, I was happy to move forward and to make a new plan. And since Doctor Collins was seeing the improvements I felt, he never reimposed the restrictions on Matthew's presence. We'd spent nearly every day together and the doctor had yet to make a comment about it. Which made it much easier to corner Matthew when I wanted something.

"Why did you say sort of?" I asked, cradled against his chest while we sat, looking out over the pond. It was so peaceful and beautiful here, it had become our favorite place to come to be alone.

"Hmm?" he murmured as he trailed his finger over the back of my hand.

"You said we were sort of engaged," I reminded him. "Why only sort of?"

I wanted to laugh at the way he suddenly tensed.

"We just hadn't decided anything final," he said. "We'd been planning it for a while, but we didn't discuss specifics very much."

"When did you know that you wanted to marry me?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. It's something I've known for a long time. Long before it was practical to talk about."

I grinned at him over my shoulder. "When did we start talking about it, then?"

"Well..." He kissed my jaw and I had to force myself to stay focused on the conversation. "We had our first kiss when you were fifteen and I was seventeen. After that, it would come up now and then in a vague way. Over the last year or so, we'd been talking about it more seriously."

"You knew all that time, and you waited that long to kiss me?" I asked, feeling a little indignant.

He laughed. "That's kind of what you said then, but it's not an easy thing to take that step. We'd been so close for so long. I thought you felt the same way, but I couldn't be sure and I didn't want to ruin what we had."

"What changed?" I asked.

"Oh, you got jealous over something silly, and I just knew it was time. It didn't seem like as much of a risk."

"I wish I could remember it," I said quietly. I didn't mean to dampen the moment, but it broke my heart that the memory might be lost to me forever.

"I know." He kissed my cheek. "But we have a lifetime to make all new memories. And I promise, they'll be even better."

Blinking away a few tears, I turned to smile at him.

I rested against him again and he resumed tracing patterns on my hand. For a few minutes, we sat in silence before I decided to press on.

"So, why sort of?" I asked again.

He gave a resigned sigh. "I guess because I hadn't proposed yet."

"Why not?" I turned to look at him.

He shook his head, amused. "Tenacious as ever."

I stared him down, refusing to give in to the smile that was trying to break free.

"I wanted to finish the house first," he said. "I wanted to have everything ready so I could bring you there."

"We have a house?" I asked, thrilled.