Half a Heart

5. I Don't Know What to Do (P)

Peter's POV

As I stared at my girl, I could only think one thing: You fucked up. Her eyes were giving me the indication that she hadn't slept, and I could only hope it wasn't because of me. There was a certain tightness around them, and I noticed they didn't light up when she saw me like they once did. I noticed that you know. That she immediately lit up when she saw me. I ruined it.

I didn't try to excuse my behavior. I just tried to plead my sorries and hope that she saw how much I love her. I didn't mean to hurt her. Fuck!

She stared back at me with her arms crossed in her 'no bullshit' stance. I had to pause halfway through my apology to take a deep breath. Tears were falling and my voice was getting so shaky you couldn't understand me. How could I get her to see that I made a huge mistake that I would never dream of making ever again?

"Taylen, I am so so sorry that I slept with another girl. It was a mistake, and I am so sorry that it happened. It had nothing to do with you and I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I hate myself for what I did, but it happened and I am so sorry. You shouldn't take me back, but I am begging you, please do not let us end over my stupid mistake."

She continued to give me a blank stare until she started talking, then her hands started flying everywhere and there was anger.

"Peter, I honestly don't even know what to say to you. You have completely and utterly destroyed any trust I had in you. I have no idea what was going through your head but I honestly don't care. I don't trust you," she stated bluntly and the tears started coming out at a faster pace.

I rubbed my face with my hand then rested it on top of my head. I sighed frustrated at myself. What had I done?!?

"You know what really sucks Peter? That it all happened a month and a half ago. You didn't even tell me. Not once did you even mention any sort of mistake you made. You had a month, almost two, to tell me that you were unloyal. Maybe if you would've immediately have told me, I would be a little more forgiving. If it hadn't of been for your brother, I still wouldn't know."

"I promise I had been planning on telling you after the dance Friday," I swore.

"Peter, you had literally every opportunity before that. Was that what your little episode during competition weekend about?"

I couldn't lie or even speak out loud, so I nodded my head sadly.

She rolled her eyes, "Of course it was. You could've told me then, ya know? I was worried about you and it through me off the next day."

"I didn't want to shake you before you had to dance," I mumbled.

I should've listened to Mom and given her more time. It was clear she was only in stage two of the grieving process and it would take a while before she would want to talk to me. I had made such a mess.

"Whatever, Peter. Go home," she said darkly and turned to walk back inside.

"Wait," I said frantically.

"What?" she snapped.

There were so many things I needed to tell her, but I didn't have the words.

"Never mind," I replied dejectedly.

I watched as she walked inside. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Why do I never get anything right?

I walked to my truck and laid my head on the steering wheel. I still had to go home and deal with pissed off brothers and even more pissed parents. My life is a disaster. Sighing heavily, I backed out of their driveway. I dried my tears, now starting to get angry. Why couldn't anybody see that it was a stupid, drunken mistake?

When I got home, as I expected, Mom was mad. As soon as I walked in the door, I was under fire as Mom laid 5 sharp swats to the backs of my thighs. I have no idea while she hit so far down, but I know it did not feel good at all.

"I'm sorry, Mom. You were right. I shouldn't have gone. I'm sorry," I told her, not looking her in the eyes.

"Go to your room," she said sternly, lifting my chin up to meet her eyes.

"Yes ma'am," I breathed out and started up the stairs.

At least this part of my life was familiar. My dad hasn't looked at me the same since he figured out what I did. He was thoroughly disgusted with me and I was too. I laid on my bed rethinking all my life's decisions. There so many places I shoulda done differently. My biggest regret now was joining my brothers in their drinking shenanigans. This whole thing would've been avoided had I just gone to bed like I was supposed to.

Mom came into my room not that long after she had sent me up. She hadn't brought anything with her and she wasn't wearing a belt or anything. I wondered if she was going to whip me or not. She sat down on the edge of my bed and put her hand on my thigh.

"Baby, I know things are hard for you right now and I understand, but that doesn't mean that you can disobey and disregard the rules. That's what got you into this mess to begin with. Taylen is trying to wrap her head around what is happening and until she has accepted it and begins coping with it, she won't want to talk to you. I spoke with her yesterday and she is heartbroken right now. She doesn't need you in her face begging for forgiveness right now. She's got to work through it first and I expect you to give her that space," Mom scolded, making me tear up again.

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry for disobeying. I'm willing to take whatever punishment you feel I deserve," I dipped my head and tried to make up for my actions. Mom was right. I needed to give her space and in the meantime, not frustrate my family to the point that they can't stand me either.

"Sweetheart, I know things are a mess right now, but I am always here to talk," Momma told.

"Thanks Momma," I smiled at her, happy she was my constant. "You gonna whoop me?"

"Yeah, kiddo, I am. Just because you're fighting with your girlfriend does not mean you get to go against what I told you," she said sternly, remembering her purpose.

"Yes ma'am," I stood up and began unfastening my belt.

I cautiously held my hand out, offering it to her, "I apologize for my behavior."

"It's ok, baby boy. Lean over your bed."

I bent over my bed and clutched the covers. I thought of how many times I have been in this position and it has truly been way too many times.

"Why am I spanking you, Peter Grayson?"

"I disobeyed you and went against what you told me not to do," I replied quickly.

"That's right," the first lick connected and she continued to enforce her lesson, "I understand that your heart is hurt and you want to fix it, but you still have to listen. I am your mom. What I say goes and you will listen to me or we will end up in this position. Do you like being in this position getting your bottom spanked?" she asked as she continued to swat in a random pattern.

"No ma'am," my breathing had began to quicken but I still had a while before tears.

She was obviously wanting to be done as she started swatting the same place three times in a row before moving on. It hurt like no other, but I still held out. I was needing the emotional release. After she started swatting the crease with the belt, the waterworks began. She finished up with a few more hard smacks to the full part of my booty before stopping. The belt hit the floor and she rubbed my back comfortingly. I turned over and folded into her.

"I don't know what to do, Momma."

QUESTIONS FOR READERS-

1. Do you think Taylen is justified in not taking Peter back? If not, why?

2. What do you think will happen with Tay?

3. Predictions on what will happen with Peter?