Half a Heart

16. Brother

The sun had started to rise when I finally left the lake spot. I had already decided that I was skipping school that day, regardless of what Dad and Carter said. I am so ready to be my own boss. I can't stand people trying to control me in any way, shape, or form. Dad gives me a lot of freedom, and still yet, I will be so relieved when I turn 18 and don't have to worry about anyone's approval.

By the time I got home, Dad and Carter were about to head out the door.

"Where have you been, young lady?" Dad snapped as soon as I stepped in the door.

I just looked at him and went upstairs.

"I asked you a question," he raised his voice.

I just continued up the stairs. I had one destination in mind, and nothing was going to stop me from getting there.

As soon as I sat down, Dad walked into my room. He took one good look at me and saw it.

"Is something wrong, Peach?" he asked me, instantly concerned.

"You know, I'm getting real sick of you never being home. Lots of major changes have been going on in my life, and you are oblivious to all of it," I stated in a bored tone.

My emotions had basically shut down, and I was over everybody in my life. I think I'm a very forgiving person- maybe a little too forgiving. Eventually, the stress and anger I had everything ended up creating an explosion. Those are never fun.

"Peach, I'm sorry I haven't been here. You're right. I haven't been paying enough attention to you or to your brother lately. I'm going to start coming home earlier from now on," Dad replied sadly.

"Eh, don't bother. We're doing just fine without you here. You know, we're just at each other's throats constantly. He's about to be married with a kid at 17 and ya know, I'm just out here living my best life," sarcasm dripped from every word.

I was just so pissed off.

I honestly had no idea what to do with myself now. Even though Peter and I only dated for about 4 months, I barely remember what my life was like before him. How was I supposed to continue?

The only reason I know this is for the better is that somewhere in my heart, it feels right. It was like he was the right person, just at the wrong time. I think that he is supposed to be significant in my life. I just don't know to what extent.

Dad sighed and left my room.

I think I finally reached stage two of losing someone. The anger stage. I was angry at Savannah, I was angry at myself, and I was angry with him. The 'whys' kept questioning in my brain. Why did he feel like he had to go somewhere else to get what he wanted? Why did he do what he did? Why did he think that he couldn't be honest with me? Why was I not enough?

These questions kept screaming through my head. There was nothing to drown them out with. The anger I felt kept intensifying. I needed to go to the gym. I hurriedly pulled on some workout clothes and grabbed my wrist wallet. As I walked downstairs, Carter was sitting on the couch.

"Where are you going?" mixed with "Why are you still here?" our questions were spoken at the same time.

"You first," I said.

"Dad asked me to keep an eye on you today," he replied. "Your turn."

"I'm going to the gym," I said as I began putting on my tennis shoes.

"I'm coming as well. Give me five," he said before jumping up to go change.

"I don't want you to come," I said quickly.

"Either I come, or you're not going," he stated firmly.

"I am so sick of your bossy bullshit!" I raised my voice at him.

Carter remained calm, "Tay, Dad gave me permission for today to whip your ass if you needed it. I really don't want to do that, but you cannot curse at me or disobey. He asked me to watch you. If you want to leave this house, that's fine, but I am coming with."

"Ugh," I groaned, wanting to cry.

This is the kind of thing that overwhelms me. I desperately need to be alone and to beat the crap out of a punching bag.

"Peach, I know what you are going through is hard. I know that you're really angry right now, but you are placing it in the wrong place. Let's go to the gym, and I'll let you use me as your punching bag," he grinned.

I thought his offer over. It sounded great, actually. Being able to beat the shit out of him without getting in trouble seemed like a win-win to me. If I did that, I might not be tempted to shave his head anymore. Hmm.

"Let's go," I said still annoyed.

"I think you made the right choice there," he gave me a goofy grin.

Once we were in his truck, he started talking. When I wouldn't give much of a response, he began to apologize again.

"Peach, I know I already said it, but I want you to know that I really am sorry that I snapped on you like that. You are so special to me, and I want you to know that I will never just let my stress be pushed off onto you like that again," he said sincerely.

"I changed my mind. I want to go somewhere else," I said right after he finished.

I had a lot of things I needed to tell him, and I would today. I only had so much room for negative emotions, and I didn't want these sores to heal and leave scars.

"Ok, where?"

"My spot. Turn on Ashwood Lane."

We pulled up to the place and got out.

"Woah, do you come here a lot?" he asked as he took in the beauty.

"All the time. I have things I need to get off my chest. You can't talk until I'm done, ok?"

"Ok?"

"I am really upset with you. You have been a sucky brother the past few months. You didn't tell me that you were five months pregnant. You didn't tell me that you're engaged. How many evenings have we spent together during that time? What made you feel like you couldn't tell me? Am I just that unapproachable?" I ranted.

He shook his head and opened his mouth to talk, but I stopped him.

"It seems like no one wants or feels the need, to be honest with me. Dad and Eden got engaged, and I found out off FaceBook. That is some f-ed up shit. I don't ask for much, but I expect to be informed on huge things like this. I deserve that. I am always here for anyone, and yet no one seems to care about my relationship with them. Sometimes it feels like no one actually cares about me, only when it is convenient."

I had started crying, but I was tired of crying. It solved nothing.

"Why is it that after Isaiah, I feel like there is no one solid in my life? I need that."

Carter had also started crying. I couldn't even look at him. I felt like I should disappear. Who would care anyway?

"I am so so so sorry you felt that way. I'm sorry I'm the reason you felt that way. You are the most important thing in my life. Even though I have this baby on the way and I will be married soon, you will always be one of my top priorities. I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't care about our relationship. Of course, I care, Peach. I could never live without you. I waited so long to tell you because I knew that as soon as it did, it would be real. You're my rock. My first thought when Julie told me was 'I need to talk to Taylen. I don't know the first thing about a baby.'."

I couldn't say anything. I just folded into him. He held on tight as we sobbed into each other's shoulders. I got lucky that he's my brother.