Disarray [H.S.]

Chapter Twenty One

We are water and roses
I need you like I need air
Spoonful of sugar
My cup is fuller when you're there
Milk and honey
Warm and lovely
You're honey

_______

Tonight is the senior carnival.

Each year, about three weeks before graduation, the school hosts a carnival for all the seniors to attend for free. The crew who sets it up actually does a really nice job of it. Our high school's parking lot is pretty big in comparison to most others, so they're able to fit a lot of different things. It's supposed to be a really good time, with the rides they set up, the games, the fact that it's up for the whole weekend and you can go as many times as you like, it's the socialization of it all.

Everyone stays from when it opens until it closes, on all three days of the weekend. There's music blasting, lights flashing, and rides whirring all night long. It's one of the biggest nights of the year that every senior looks forward to.

It's like the one last big hurrah before graduation and most of us never see each other again.

In theory, it sounds like a lot of fun.

In reality, it's the last place I'd ever want to be.

I've never done well in crowds, never really been one to want to spend a lot of time with that many people. Going to school everyday is hard enough. It's so overwhelming most days, and I don't know why I'd ever want to be with those people more than I already have to. Some of those same people who have dropped me as friends, treated me like shit, and left me all alone.

So why would I willingly put myself in that type of situation?

To be quite honest, I never even worried about having to go because I knew where I was going to be instead.

Rotting at the bottom of Saint John's bridge. But that didn't work out cause here I still am.

All because some curly haired, golden retriever boy had to come and wreck my plans.

The same curly haired, golden retriever boy that had somehow convinced me to go to this damn carnival.

Harry had felt really bad these past few weeks, like he was somehow hurting my feelings for not taking me to the prom.

Well, the dance was last Friday, and seeing as I never imagined myself going there or wanting to go there either, I didn't even realize it was prom week until Harry had brought it up.

He and I were at Ellie's grabbing our usual smoothies, and he mentioned that he wanted to talk to me about something.

I immediately got nervous, thinking he had finally realized he was tired of seeing me and wanted to leave too, just like everyone else. I'd be disappointed but not surprised. A bit heartbroken, I think, but I'd understand.

Instead, what I got was an apology.

"It completely slipped my mind. If I had remembered, I'd have asked you to come with us. I mean, Claire and I had planned to go together since the beginning of the year, but she would have understood that I'd rather have brought you as my date. She could have gone with Matthew or someone, we would have made it work. I'm so sorry I completely forgot, I-"

"Harry," I cut off his nervous rambling, thinking if I didn't he wouldn't ever stop apologizing. "It's no big deal. I don't want to go anyways. I never really went to any of our schools dances, only one, I never wanted to surround myself with people who don't like me. It wasn't a fun night the one time I went, and I don't want to relive that."